At a time when “the world can be very confusing,” BYU student Sara Daniela Acosta expressed gratitude to have “clear instruction about who I actually am.”
Speaking of The Family: A Proclamation to the World of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Acosta shared her belief that through this proclamation, inspired prophets have made it ”explicitly clear who we are, where we came from and where we are intended to go” and that “we’re children of God.”
Acosta attended a two-day conference at BYU this week — commemorating the 30th anniversary of The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Centered on the theme, “Experiencing Jesus Christ Through the Family Proclamation,” the first day of sessions were sponsored by BYU’s International Center for Law and Religious Studies and the Wheatley Institute.
Talks on Thursday included “Peace in Christ When Everything Falls Apart,” by BYU law professor Shima Baradaran Baughman; “We are Designed for Eternal Covenant Relationships,” by associate professor of BYU School of Family Life Jenet Erickson; and “In Christ We All Belong,” by BYU law professor Elizabeth Clark. Jason Carroll, Wheatley Family Initiative director, also responded in his speech to the perception that marriage was “just a 50/50 coin-toss.”
Turning away from children
The need for reminders on the family are clear. According to a 2024 Pew Research Center survey, among U.S. adults under 50 who do not already have children, 47% say they are “unlikely ever” to have any children, which is 10 percentage points higher than the 37% who said this in 2018.
Clark, the moderator and BYU law professor, said she has heard many young people say, “I just don’t want to have kids” or “it isn’t for me,” or “I want more freedom,” or “I can’t afford it” or “I had a bad experience growing up.”
Calling the trend of young people not wanting children “deeply troubling,” Justin Collings, BYU academic vice president and a professor of law at the J. Reuben Clark Law School, said, “For a lot of history, it was just obvious that the child was to be welcomed and celebrated.”
Referencing what BYU President Shane Reese has called the “two-headed monster” of epidemic loneliness and a crisis of meaning, Collings said if young people want to find deep meaning and to banish loneliness, “then marrying someone you love and raising children together is as powerful a way as I know.”
The miracle of family
Acosta called the family a miracle. “I’m super different from my sister, and we’re from the same parents … and so for us to have the relationship that we have, it really is a miracle.”
Even with all of the variety of differences,” Acosta said her family has been united to keep the Savior at the center of their focus.
“He really helps to keep the family together and to help us have a little bit more patience with each other, a little bit more forgiveness, a little bit more compassion,” she said — referencing the proclamation’s emphasis on founding the family upon principles of compassion, patience, forgiveness, respect.
Clark shared appreciation for the “intergenerational web of family that is strengthened and formed by covenants, promises and blessings.” This is an “enormous continuum and web that reaches forwards and backwards of time with multiple strands of deep connections.”
“It’s really amazing.”
Family as a school
When asked about the “extra level of complexity” many women experience in having children, given the impact on other parts of their life, Lia Collings acknowledged a challenging transition as she gave up some other opportunities.
Lia Collings, the author of a volume of essays titled “Choosing Motherhood,” responded to the question, “How has parenting helped you become more like Jesus Christ?”
“I am interacting with little people who are so innocent … and you are helping raise these little children of God. How can you not be changed?” she said.
“Nothing has softened my heart more than holding babies against it,” Justin Collings added.
Attorney Anna Bryner said family relationships show us our own limitations and “give us that invitation” to repent and change. That reinforces, she said, our “need for Christ and for one another.”
‘Every part applies right now’
Acosta — who has always wanted to be a mother — acknowledged discouraging moments in which she started to think that parts of the family proclamation do not ”apply to me right now.”
When she shared her testimony with friends at school about the importance of marriage, Acosta would likewise hear “OK, but that just doesn’t apply to me right now. … What does that mean for me?”
Acosta described being reminded by Sheri Dew’s talk “Are We Not All Mothers?” that motherhood is a “divine part of our identity.”
“Because of what I know about the nature of my Heavenly Father, I know that he would not put off certain aspects of happiness and joy simply because we can’t change our circumstances right now,” she said. “I have found the most confidence and hope in remembering that every part of the family proclamation can apply to me right now.”
Not forsaken
Bryner likewise described many friends who were “experiencing things that are far from the ideal” when it comes to the Proclamation on the Family, “and there’s a strong temptation to feel that you were forsaken, or that you don’t belong.”
“And that’s not true,” she said, describing how turning to Christ and remembering what he has done for her, “strengthens my resolve to keep going.”
Although her own experiences seeking family have been difficult, Bryner said those experiences have “exposed me to the most tender parts of Christ’s character” — especially his ability to bind up the brokenhearted and to “make all things new.”
She expressed gratitude for divine help to “bring us hope again and to give us the courage to keep trying.”
Letting God ‘shape your soul’
BYU assistant professor Ty Mansfield described believing the ideals in the proclamation earlier in his life, but feeling unsure they would apply to his life. Then one day he felt clear direction in a sacred moment, “Focus on the Savior, and take life one day at a time. As you do — continuing to seek and cultivate the spirit daily — whether you marry in time or in eternity, every blessing will eventually be yours.”
Something within him shifted, he recalled. “The Spirit cut through my doubts, leaving me feeling a peace about my life I hadn’t ever felt. I still didn’t have a clear roadmap, but that no longer seemed as important. I felt completely secure in my faith in Jesus Christ and in my relationship with God.”
In a talk entitled, “Feeling Joy in Christ Through the Proclamation When We Don’t Fit the Mold,” Mansfield said, “I have come to see that the purpose of mortality is not to check off a set of ideal circumstances,” but to “allow God to shape our souls — often through experiences we might wish we didn’t have.”
“There is room for all of us — and God is actively, lovingly shaping us into more than we thought possible,” Mansfield concluded. “One day we will look back and see how every thread of our customized curriculum was part of a greater design, woven by a God who never stopped loving us, never stopped teaching us, and never stopped leading us to the joy that is promised.”
Rejoicing as if that future had already come
Acosta described how this faith has motivated her to ponder “things that I can actively do right now that affect me right now, but also that prepare me for the future.”
“I’m already actively thinking about my kids. I’m already actively trying to become the kind of mother that I hope I can be for them, like when they’re here in person, whether that’s in this life or the next life.”
Speakers echoed the angel’s words to King Benjamin, “rejoice with exceedingly great joy, even as though (Christ) had already come among them.”
Acknowledging the many different circumstances people experience, including women married and unable to have children, Acosta said, “I really don’t know the plan that Heavenly Father has.”
It’s God who has helped her “ground myself,” she said. “He’s the one who can help us take a deep breath, remember that eternal perspective, think celestial and just keep going.”
