When Derek Ortiz set extra plates on his parents’ kitchen table in Utah County this month, it wasn’t just for cousins and siblings. It was for friends from summer camp and classmates from as far away as Latin America and Hawaii.
“The main point was to have them have somewhere to go if they couldn’t go home this weekend,” Ortiz said. At one Friendsgiving, his family cooked the main dishes and friends brought sides. At another, a tight-knit group from a BYU summer program cranked up music, sang karaoke and stayed late just talking.
“In that one, it just felt like a really good reunion,” he said. “We’re all in school going through finals and everything, and seeing each other just helped us relax a lot.”
For Ortiz, the night was about more than turkey and pie. It was a way to tell friends — especially those far from home — “you belong here” at a time of year when loneliness can hit hardest.
What exactly is Friendsgiving?
“Friendsgiving” is a mashup of “friends” and “Thanksgiving,” usually describing a potluck-style holiday meal shared with friends on or near Thanksgiving.
It can look like a cozy, candlelit dinner in an apartment, a pajama party or a themed potluck with games.
For BYU student Rebecca Tarbet, Friendsgiving this year meant dressing up a little, Trader Joe’s stuffing in a casserole dish and a crowded table where every person contributed something.
“Everybody kind of dressed up a little nice, which I think adds to the fun, makes the occasion feel a little bit more special,” she said. “Everybody brought something — there’s no freeloaders allowed at Friendsgiving.”
Between bites, her group went around the table and shared one thing they were grateful for. Over and over, people said the same thing: I’m grateful for my friends.
“It’s what I look forward to every day,” Tarbet said about her friends — the movie nights after homework, shared dinners after work, walking to events together. “I can’t imagine what my life would be like now if I didn’t have my friends … it’s what really gives my life a lot of joy and a lot of purpose right now.”
Hannah McKay, another BYU student, has an annual Friendsgiving that looks a little different.
“We do a turkey bowl out in the leaves — there were about 40 people on the field — then horseback riding and walking around town. Inside people are making Thanksgiving dinner and doing crafts. We have football on — we had the BYU game on this year — and then we gather everyone for the meal, go around and say what we’re grateful for, bless the food and eat."
“I can’t imagine what my life would be like now if I didn’t have my friends … it’s what really gives my life a lot of joy and a lot of purpose right now.”
— Friendsgiving participant Rebecca Tarbet
And this year, they didn’t even have tables, they all just sat on the floor together.
And the grand finale? A big talent show. “People play the piano, do yoga, do funny skits and we just catch up and get to know new people. ... It always ends up even better because there are a bunch of people you don’t know yet and you get to make new friends.”
‘Chosen family’ in a season of stress
Friendsgiving has grown especially popular among college students and young adults who don’t live near family — or who can’t afford to travel — but still want a holiday that feels like home.
“November in college is, like, the worst,” Tarbet said, laughing. “Everyone feels the same way.” She and her friends didn’t even have time to rewatch “Wicked” before seeing the sequel because every single person was buried in homework and exam prep.
That’s part of why Friendsgiving matters, she said. After long days in class and at work, the shared meals and simple traditions with friends act like a pressure release valve.
“It’s everything,” she said. “I can’t imagine coming to school and going to the library, not being with my friends.”
Friendsgiving also pushes back on the idea that holidays can only be about family — especially for those whose relatives live far away or whose family relationships are complicated.
“We don’t live by our family,” Tarbet said. “A lot of people don’t even have family to go home to for a Sunday dinner. So it’s really awesome to be together … it’s my chosen family.”
At McKay’s gathering, about 35 were from outside of Utah. Friendsgiving gave a home for those without a place to go.
For Ortiz, Friendsgiving doesn’t replace familial or cultural traditions — it layers more onto them.
“Everybody can bring a little bit of what they’ve grown up with,” he said. “It’s not really removing anybody’s … tradition. It’s more combining and learning new things from people that grew up differently.”
Why gatherings like this matter in a loneliness epidemic
All of this is happening against a backdrop researchers describe as a global “loneliness epidemic,” especially for Gen Z.
The 2025 World Happiness Report cited data from 2023, explaining that 19% of young adults worldwide said they had no one they could count on for social support — a 39% increase compared with 2006.
The world happiness report highlighted how happiness in the United States has slipped to its lowest ranking yet: 24th in the world, down from 11th place in 2012. Researchers point to rising social isolation — more people eating meals alone, fewer shared rituals — as part of the explanation.
On campus, the trends are just as sobering. According to Gallup, 29% of U.S. young adults reported experiencing significant loneliness.
“I think it starts with one. Even if it’s not a big group, it’s asking one person, ‘Hey do you have a place to be for Thanksgiving?’”
— Friendsgiving host Hannah McKay
Loneliness doesn’t just feel bad. A 2024 report from the mental health nonprofit Active Minds found that college students who feel lonely are more than four times as likely to experience severe psychological distress.
“My friends and I talk about loneliness a lot because it really is this epidemic that’s going on,” McKay said. “Most of my core friend group, none of their families live in Utah. Especially around the holidays, they constantly talk about this ‘found family.’”
She added, “We’ve all decided we can either choose to be lonely or we can embrace the uncomfortable and say, ‘Hey do you have plans for the holidays? Do you need a place to be?’”
Against that backdrop, a potluck may sound small. But social scientists say these kinds of recurring, in-person rituals — weekly dinners, game nights, worship services, even Friendsgivings — can act as a buffer against anxiety, stress and depression by reinforcing a sense of belonging.
Positive psychology writer Suzie Pileggi Pawelski recently described a piece of advice she got nearly 20 years ago from the late social psychologist Christopher Peterson: get a “4 a.m. friend” — someone you could call in the middle of the night for any reason — and treat that as nonnegotiable for your well-being.
That idea of a “4 a.m. friend” shows up quietly in Friendsgiving, too: opening a home, saving a seat, cooking together and reminding one another that someone will pick up the phone if things fall apart.
Closing the ‘empathy perception gap’
The World Happiness Report devotes a full chapter to young adults’ social connections and introduces something researchers call the “empathy perception gap” — the difference between how caring people actually are and how caring we think they are.
Studies summarized in the report found that when students were shown data about how willing their peers were to help others, they started to see their campus as more empathetic.
After simple interventions — posters sharing those statistics, workshops emphasizing that most students want to be there for each other — students were more likely to talk to strangers, share their struggles and build new friendships.
In other words, when young adults believe the people around them are kind, they are willing to be more vulnerable with social risks — like showing up at a new friend’s apartment for a potluck where they might not know everyone yet.
Brene Brown defined the importance of being vulnerable in situations like that: “Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.”
Friendsgiving can work the same way. The invitation itself says: You matter enough that we saved you a chair.
Ortiz has seen that play out in real time.
At one Friendsgiving last year, guests started arriving while his family was still finishing the meal.
“People helped,” he remembered. “Everybody was ready to just come and bring what they brought and ask what they can help with to get started.”
This year, he said, “everybody was just so loving with each other. There was no bad spirit in there.”
That’s part of why he believes the guest list should always have extra space.
“In a really tight circle of friends, if you have them invite somebody that shouldn’t be alone during that time … it would be really good,” he said. “People who are invited outside of that would receive all these new friends — and good food and good company.”
For some, though, it’s hard to plan or even find friends for a Friendsgiving. McKay gave those individuals some advice.
“I think it starts with one. Even if it’s not a big group, it’s asking one person, ‘Hey do you have a place to be for Thanksgiving?’” she said. “One person is less intimidating and one friend is a start. ... It can become a bigger thing — and it also doesn’t need to be. Just having one friend already decreases loneliness."
At the end of the night, Friendsgiving doesn’t fix tuition bills, looming finals or big questions about the future. But it does send young adults back into all of that with full plates and the reminder that they don’t have to carry it alone.
Now, it’s on to the holiday’s Christmas cousin, Friendsmas.