Loneliness seems to be a universal feeling. Anyone can fall victim to it, and according to Ruth Whippman, author of “Boymom: Reimagining Boyhood in the Age of Impossible Masculinity,” this generation of boys and men are particularly struggling with human connection.
“The conditions of modern boyhood amount to a perfect storm for loneliness,” Whippman wrote in a New York Times article.
There are a few factors involved with this “epidemic” of loneliness. Here is what you should know and how you can help your boys establish better friendships.
What is the truth about male loneliness?
According to the Los Angeles Times, screen time is one of the culprits behind loneliness. “Nearly half of American men say their online lives are more rewarding than their offline lives. The virtual world, with pornography and ideological provocation, is facilitating men’s withdrawal.”
Ruth Whippman suggests that the generation of boys who hit puberty during the #MeToo movement have lived their entire lives in a “digital era,” per The New York Times. This has given them the room to avoid socializing in the real world.
“In many cases, the same people who are urging boys and men to become more emotionally expressive are also taking a moral stand against hearing how they actually feel,” Whippman says, further explaining that both political seclusion as well as masculine societal trends are making boys evermore isolated.
According to research by the Survey Center of American Life, around a quarter of men under thirty years old reported having no close friends. Whippman herself has talked with boys over the last few years as part of her research.
“Almost without exception,” she said, “the boys I talked to craved closer, more emotionally open relationships, but had neither the skills nor the social permission to change the story.”
Here’s how to help your boys with friendship
While emotional intelligence may look different for every person, there are certain things parents can do to help their children with friendships. Here are some options, provided by Harvard Health:
- Sign up your child for a fun recreational activity. It can be a sports group or a musical group or something else entirely, but make sure your child has at least a little interest in the activity.
- Don’t hover. Encourage social activities and set firm rules when needed.
- Be supportive by asking your child about his or her day and interactions. “Listen more than you talk.”
- Meet the parents of your child’s peers. Consider inviting them to an outing, which may take the pressure off of your child to interact with others.
- Get the kids off screens by encouraging and/or facilitating “cooperative activities,” such as going to a park, making food or visiting a unique location.
- Remember that social and emotional intelligence begins at home.