I was driving along at the posted speed limit when a white Dodge Ram 1500 pickup truck pulled uncomfortably close behind me. Soon, the driver began honking.
Then, despite a “No Passing” sign, he pulled around me while the driver yelled, “Move it Gramps or get out of the way.”
It’s happened to me before.
Ask almost anyone under the age of 50 about older drivers and they will likely say they are too slow and overly cautious. They may also say that older drivers cause more accidents.
Despite this stereotype, the facts are not in their favor.
Here are the facts. AAA reports that drivers in their 60s are the safest drivers on the road! And according to the Centers for Disease Control, older people are more likely to wear safety belts than any other age group. And, like me, the CDC reports that older adults are more likely to follow posted speed limits and avoid texting while driving.
Age related biases not only exist among others, but can also be self-inflicted. We perpetuate stereotypes whenever we use phrases like these:
- “I’m too old for that.”
- “I’m already set in my ways.”
- “I just had a senior moment.”
- “I’ve been put out to pasture.”
- “I’m such a Boomer.”
While the phrase “Ok, Boomer” has been widely used to dismiss anyone born before 1960, it is sometimes invoked as a self-imposed limitation by Baby Boomers themselves.
We say we can’t do something and use age as an excuse. But every time we do, we not only diminish ourselves but subtly encourage others to do the same thing.
“I don’t ask for senior discounts at fast food places and I won’t accept them if offered,” my older brother Dean says. “Why should I? Everytime I do that, I let someone else reduce me to a demographic statistic. My actual age is a fact, but it is perhaps the least important thing about me.”
Julie B. Beck, former Relief Society president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, also says too many age-related limitations are self-imposed. “When someone says they’ve been put out to pasture, I tell them to ‘jump the fence,’” she says.
At church a few weeks ago, a local leader didn’t like my friend volunteering to do something that he thought was his responsibility. “Stay in your lane, Pops,” he was told.
“Never,” he replied with a twinkle in his eye. “I need to swerve to miss those lying down in the road.”
Such humor can be disarming without becoming confrontational. It also can help us avoid passivity or getting put in a corner. The German poet Goethe reminds us that “Oblivion is full of people who allow the opinion of others to overrule their belief in themselves.”
The term “senior moment” can perpetuate age-related biases as well since it attributes common forgetfulness to old age. But memory lapses can occur at any age and for various reasons. Factors like stress, lack of sleep, or even medications can affect memory. How many times, for instance, have even young children left something at school or the playground or forgot they had a homework assignment?
Instead of using the term “senior moment,” perhaps saying something was overlooked or your brain needed to reboot or a name is on the tip of your tongue (then stick your tongue out).
It is not just a matter of semantics. Words use us as much as we use them. Reframing situations allows everyone to reconsider not only their words but also their perceptions.
Similarly, saying that “I’m too set in my ways” or “I’m too old for that” are not only unsubstantiated excuses, but also inaccurate facts.
Learning or starting something new has no upper age limit. For instance, Harland Sanders was in his 60s when he opened his first KFC store. Grandma Moses started painting at 78, becoming a celebrated folk artist. Laura Ingalls Wilder published her first “Little House” book at age 65. And my neighbor Lauire Terry began playing the piano in her 60’s. She now accompanies soloists at church functions.
Encore opportunities abound.
Perhaps the most significant age-related stereotype is determining how to avoid getting dismissed or becoming invisible.
In an interview with her older co-stars Steve Martin and Martin Short from the hit Hulu series “Only Murders in the Building,” Selena Gomez told the interviewer she knew her co-stars were old because they had never heard of Dua Lipa.
At the time, neither had I. But then I goggled her. Since then, I have not only listened to her music but also watched her television special. I’m a genuine fan of the Albanian/British Grammy-award winner. Go figure.
There’s nothing like learning about younger generations’ music, slang, video games and preferences to promote belonging and reduce stereotypes.
Bridging generational gaps calls for understanding aspirations as well as anxieties, priorities as well as problems, and uncertainties as well as convictions.
Such interpersonal gaps are not merely across generations, sometimes even small distinctions can loom large. Recently, during a discussion at a church meeting, a 24 year old asked his neighbor how old he was. His neighbor replied that he was 32 years old.
“You see,” he replied, “there are 8 years between us. No wonder we look at the world so differently. We are practically from different generations.”
Who knew?