Even when we say nothing, our clothes are talking for us. They tell others who we are, where we come from, what we like to do, how much we worry about our appearance and dozens of other things.
Clothes are sometimes quiet, but often noisy, talking to anyone who will listen.
They not only tell others about us, but they can also shape how we act. There’s an old French fable which describes how “clothes make the man.”
The story centers on a thief who dresses as a policeman so he can be a lookout for his buddies who are attempting a heist. By wearing a policeman’s uniform throughout the day, he is surprisingly transformed into a genuine community helper.
Many retired folks, in particular, say they “no longer need to impress anyone anymore” so adopt a kind of “senior grunge” of sweatpants and labeled T-shirts for any occasion. Or, driven by previous insecurities, they may be opting to hide thoroughly whatever “body flaws” they think they have.
“I’ve never had a very positive body image,” my friend Loretta Julander said to me recently. “Now that I’m in my seventies, I loathe dressing up for an evening out. What’s the point? I’d rather cover up than step out.”
I was shocked. Loretta is a fastidious eater and a diligent exerciser. Neither too thin nor overweight, she seemed at a healthy place for her height and stature. I would never have guessed she was concerned about her body image.
While women are more likely to express concerns about body types and dress as they age, studies show that men are just as concerned— although less expressive — about appearance and clothing. In fact, there’s evidence that men with active social lives over age 60 reportedly care more about their body image and appearance than women in similar circumstances.
But neither older men nor women want to be dismissed because of how they look. Some friends tell me they feel as if they have two strikes against them in getting their point across in community boards or other meetings because they are both older and women.
“I don’t want to be marginalized,” a friend tells me — explaining why she takes steps to look and act younger. “No one thinks of me as hip, but I don’t want to be seen as the little old lady in a rocking chair.”
While body image and appearance are not the same as health and wellness, they are naturally related. The way we take care of ourselves shows up in our countenance and overall appearance — and the outward signals we send others can also reinforce our own efforts to stay healthy.
Like it or not, appearances matter. How others perceive us — and frankly, how we feel about ourselves — is somehow related to our appearance.
Appearance matters. It is neither superficial nor shallow. It impacts how others perceive you and how you feel about yourself, ultimately influencing your interactions and opportunities.
A strong personal image can boost confidence, enhance credibility, and help you stand out, while a dowdy appearance can lead to misinterpretations and missed opportunities. It also plays a crucial role in maintaining “social vitality.”
But of course, concern about appearance can be overdone and become unhealthy. Eating disorders are impacting later life more than we realize and obsessing about how we look and what others think can become a dispiriting rumination.
A positive personal image can also make you more approachable and seem more friendly. In fact, a recent survey found that around one in five adults aged 55+ felt anxious specifically because of their overall appearance.
Living longer allows us to invest in second chances during retirement, to develop a new persona, to branch out and redefine ourselves a bit. Maybe not like the “coastal Grandma” look popularized by Diane Keaton in “Something’s Gotta Give’ or the faux “vintage Grandpa” look that never really took off, but a unique style that reflects who we want to be and how we want to be perceived as we age. Our dress and appearance can help us have a purposeful identity in later life: one we choose rather than are given.
We may profess not to care about dress or style and even denounce consumerism and fads. But, like it or not, we are still participants in the society in which we live and how we dress either works for us or against us, identifies who we are and our aspirations, and influences both how we think and how others think about it.
So, why not create a style all our own?