Everybody teases. It is meant to be fun for everyone involved in this timeless activity. In our family, we sometimes call it “playful banter.” We have our own cues that can prompt teasing as well: familiar events, past activities and ordinary phrases can sometimes trigger lighthearted chatter about outdated technology, retro fashion, or personal habits.
Of course, teasing can be both positive and negative depending on intent, circumstances, and delivery, ranging from biting sarcasm to lighthearted humor. It can also either be an ongoing means of bonding or a veiled method for “putting others in their place.”
In my case, because I have so many known and distinctive quirks, it is easy for family members and friends alike to tease me incessantly. I don’t mind. It falls in the old category of better to be noticed than ignored.
So I asked a group of friends–none of whom are spring chickens by any means–what they get teased about the most by kids and grandkids. The list didn’t surprise me. In fact I think I can identify with almost everything on the “top 10” list.
My list even had 7 or 8 more items on it but I decided to limit the list to 10 as a homage to David Letterman. Here’s my friends’ list of Top Ten things we are teased about the most by younger family members:
- Driving too slowly.
- Eating dinner early.
- Texting with index fingers.
- Taking naps.
- Supersizing fonts on mobile phones.
- Wearing orthopedic-looking shoes.
- Checking weather apps throughout the day.
- Talking about aches and pains.
- Using cursive handwriting.
- Being overly friendly with strangers.
Teasing in any of these instances, of course, can go too far - even to the point of becoming bullying. When that happens, it’s important to address it either by speaking up or getting others involved who can help intervene in a helpful way.
Short of bullying, teasing can also result in social isolation to avoid getting made fun of or harassed. No one wants to be the object of derision.
When we tease others, we may not be able to predict how it will be taken by them regardless of the intent. In fact it may be difficult to know when teasing is really going too far and when we instead need to have thicker skin.
At times, it may be in the eye of the beholder or it may simply depend on the relationship between the person getting teased and the teaser. Other times, it may be obviously too far.
“Teasing Grandpa” is both prevalent and good-natured enough that there are a series of well-known paintings in the early 1900s depicting ways small children tease their Grandpas. In one notable painting, a small boy takes a fly from sticky paper and puts it on his sleeping Grandpa’s eyeglasses. (So creative!)
Good-natured teasing reduces the stresses of everyday life and helps us laugh at ourselves. It is a way of promoting sociality among friends and family. As the famous British comedian John Cleese (co-creator of the Monty Python films) said on X (previously Twitter). “All jokes, except puns, are about human imperfection … affectionate teasing is a bonding mechanism."
Even the distinguished Mayo Clinic encourages humor and teasing as both a stress reliever and a positive activity that promotes healthy living. They stimulate the heart, lungs, and other muscles as well as release endorphins in the brain.
And of course, humor can spread cheer around us as well. As the old saying goes, laugh and the world laughs with you.
When asking others for suggestions or guidelines for teasing older family members, here’s some advice that I received from friends who are often the recipients and occasionally the instigators of “playful banter:”
- Respect the relationship: don’t go overboard and reaffirm the fundamental bond regularly.
- Focus on the habit, not the person: laugh about slow driving, not a driving record.
- Give and take: enable teasing to go back and forth.
- Be self-effacing whenever possible: don’t take the situation too seriously.
- Avoid sensitive topics: some things like appearance, health, or insecurities are not laughing matters.
Some years ago, Saturday Night Live did a humorous skit about an Amazon Silver Edition of Alexa - parodying common eccentricities for which older people often teased from weather reports to room temperatures, local events to pop culture, and a variety of other common topics for which we can likely all identify.
Perhaps more than anything else, teasing makes us human, reminds us that we have perceived flaws, and connects us to others who take the time to notice them and tell us about them. Teasing sometimes gets a bad rap when taken too far. Then, again, almost anything can be taken too far–including the best of virtues.
When we respond graciously to being warmly teased, it connects us in unique ways to others and reminds us that, after all, we are seen and loved both because of and in spite of our various idiosyncrasies.