There is an old saying about death and taxes being inevitable. Turning gray and developing wrinkles as we age could be added to that same list of inevitability.
They happen, whether we like them or not. So, embrace these changes, even as others resist them.
Americans spend more than $14 billion annually on anti-aging products, from wrinkle cream to hair coloring to other related products — with an expected market doubling to more than $28 billion in the next 10 years.
Shuting Hu, founder of the skincare company Acaderma, has often been critical of anti-aging products and their claims. “As a biologist, I feel that it is important to recognize the unhealthy narrative that ‘anti-aging skincare’ sells in the beauty industry,” she says.
“Aging is natural and needs to be celebrated,” she says, advocating for a “pro-aging” position, which she says “represents a healthier, balanced approach to skincare to achieve results that are scientifically developed to support older adults rather than fight against an unrealistic standard.”
Skin aging is driven by both internal and external factors. As we get older, there is slower skin production of key building blocks such as collagen, elastin and hyaluronic acid. This causes our skin to thin, lose elasticity and gradually develop wrinkles.
Externally, ultraviolet radiation accelerates these processes. These mechanisms affect both men and women, although men tend to develop deeper facial wrinkles, while women often experience more rapid skin thinning after menopause.
Not long ago, while passing through a department store, a sales clerk offered to sell me a “red light therapy” mask that she said would reduce the “crow’s feet” wrinkles around my eyes and worry lines on my forehead.
“Are you kidding?” I said with a smile. “I’ve earned every one of these wrinkles. They are badges of honor. I don’t want to diminish them.”
Acceptance does not require neglecting skin care or health matters. Beyond any cosmetic touch-ups that might help me achieve smoother skin, as I’ve aged, I have realized there can be real benefits from products that address reduced collagen production and improve skin dryness.
Wrinkles, like gray or silver hair, have historically carried a certain symbolism that is not only associated with aging but also with experience and perspective. Gray hair is the “beauty” or “splendor” of old men, Proverbs says.
That’s far from how many women feel. While gray hair may be a sign of “beauty” in men as they age, women tend to be much more ambivalent about gray hair. And the mixed feelings go beyond the women themselves. As popular stylist Jack Martin writes, “While men often receive praise and are even perceived as more attractive when sporting gray hair, women are subjected to societal pressure to cover up their natural signs of aging.”
“For men, gray hair is often associated with wisdom, maturity, and experience,” he continued, and “depicted as strong, confident, and attractive.” He cited common phrases such as “distinguished” or “silver fox” as part of the notion that “aging enhances their appeal.”
By contrast, Martin said, “When women begin to show signs of gray hair, they are frequently met with stigma and pressure to conceal it through various means … bombarded with messages promoting anti-aging products and hair dyes, creating an unrealistic standard of perpetual youth and beauty.”
It is estimated that about 70% of women in America color their hair, compared with only about 20% of men.
About 40% of women between the ages of 50 and 70 stop coloring their hair and let it go gray, but the majority wait until sometime after age 70 to stop coloring their hair. When asked, women who stop coloring their hair emphasize the time and expense involved as the primary reasons for stopping this practice.
Research shows that such self-acceptance results in more life satisfaction, along with a longer life. Accepting visible signs of aging can shift how we see ourselves. Instead of being concerned about being accepted by others, we can celebrate having “made the grade” and reached a certain place of maturity and experience.
Such physical acceptance also affirms that attractiveness and relevance do not expire or have a “use by” date.
Yet again, while wrinkles and gray or silver hair are predictable biological outcomes of aging, they are often framed as defects to be concealed rather than normal physiological changes. But as actress Jamie Lee Curtis has said, “I think increasingly younger people look at people like me with gray hair and wrinkly faces and say, ‘That’s cool that you are who you are.’”
“I don’t look the same way as I did 20 or 30 years ago,” Faye Matthews said to me, “but I’m not competing with the past. Instead, without saying a word, I’m letting everyone know that I’m primed for the future.”
W.B. Yeats captured much of this same sentiment in his poem “When You Are Old,” which includes these oft-quoted lines about how life’s experiences are captured in our changing countenances as we grow older:
How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face.
In the end, the relationship between resistance to aging and the inevitable “graying of America” reflects a fundamental choice about how society understands aging. If the anti-aging movement represents a war against growing old, it risks deepening ageism and creating unrealistic expectations.
But if, instead, our youthful actions while aging can be understood as a commitment to health, dignity and quality of life at every stage, they can become a powerful force for good. As the older population continues to grow, the most meaningful form of anti-aging may not be about looking young but rather about aging well.