I agree with Ms. McNairy (“Letter: Calling someone racist is abuse — and shames them into worse behavior,” Nov. 12) that engaging in shaming is likely not the most effective or productive way to combat racism. However, I disagree with her assessment that calling out someone’s racist behavior constitutes shaming in the first place.
If I were an ornery teenager treating my parents disrespectfully, they would be remiss if they didn’t call me out, assign the appropriate label to my actions — namely, “disrespectful” — and ask me to shape up. We certainly wouldn’t say my parents were engaging in verbal or emotional abuse, and no one would accuse them of shaming. Treating my parents disrespectfully is shameful; telling me to knock it off is not shaming.
Similarly, if my parents observe in my behavior or language a tendency toward racist attitudes or beliefs and then accurately assign those attitudes and beliefs the appropriate label — namely, “racist” — my parents are not emotionally abusing me or shaming me into conforming to their subjective worldview. Rather, they are simply calling me out for unacceptable behavior so that I can take the necessary steps to overcome my racism. They are educating me and encouraging me to adjust my behavior and language, and they are teaching me and helping me to adopt antiracist beliefs and attitudes.
When we interact with racist groups or individuals, perhaps we should avoid assigning to them the seemingly permanent label of “racist,” which seems to indicate that we have no faith in their power — or their desire — to change. Rather than defining such persons by their racism, perhaps a more effective way to help them change is to assume they wish to change and to then exercise diplomacy and kindness as we accurately and objectively label their racist behavior, their racist language, and their racist beliefs and attitudes.
We need not be defined by our racism, but we should not be angry with those who accurately define our racist behavior as such.
Alan Stout
Cedar Hills