Each November goes out, and the holiday season comes in, with a bang of cleverly called “days.” Thanksgiving Thursday is followed by the Black Friday brick-and-mortar sales. Cyber Monday online shopping is offset with Giving Tuesday. This leaves Wednesday as the only day without a worthy moniker. I believe Giving Tuesday should rightly be followed by Forgiving Wednesday.
It has been said that love is “for giving” and “forgiving.” Having these two forms of love back-to-back as formal days during the holidays would do wonders for people everywhere.
Giving is the good glue that binds society. Forgiving is great for the soul, unleashes the better angels of our nature and elevates our personal and community relationships.
In his novel “The Light Between Oceans,” M.L. Stedman captures a conversation between a man who had been abused and mistreated by the people of the town, and his wife, who could not understand his warmhearted forgiveness and absolute rejection of any feelings of contempt toward the townspeople.
When his wife asks how he could show such forgiveness, the man replies, “I choose to. I can leave myself to rot in the past, spend my time hating people for what happened, or I can forgive.”
“But it’s not that easy,” she answers.
He smiles and says, “Oh, but it is so much less exhausting. You only have to forgive once. To resent, you have to do it all day, every day. You have to keep remembering all the bad things.”
The Rev. Amos C. Brown, pastor of the historic Third Baptist Church of San Francisco, once shared with me what you do when the storm of persecution, hate or contempt hits you. He said, “You can become bitter or you can become better.” Choosing to forgive and become better calms the storm and allows perspective, learning and peace to prevail.
Lewis B. Smedes was a professor of theology and ethics at Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, California. Smedes spent the majority of his 27 years studying forgiveness. He concluded that forgiveness was not simply a godly virtue but a human necessity.
In a 1999 interview with the Detroit Free Press, just three years before he passed away at age 81, Smedes spoke of Jesus’ sacrifice and death as “opening the sluice gates to forgiveness from God.” That is a metaphor worthy of reflection and contemplation.
Smedes’ lifetime of study about forgiveness led to his most widely recognized insight, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
Another student of forgiveness and master wordsmith, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, once implored, “I testify that forgiving and forsaking offenses, old or new, is central to the grandeur of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I testify that ultimately such spiritual repair can come only from our divine Redeemer, He who rushes to our aid ‘with healing in his wings.’
We thank Him, and our Heavenly Father who sent Him, that renewal and rebirth, a future free from old sorrows and past mistakes, are not only possible, but they have already been purchased, paid for, at an excruciating cost symbolized by the blood of the Lamb who shed it.”
[Sign up to get Boyd Matheson’s “Therefore, what?” email newsletter — in your inbox weekly.]
Elder Holland continued, “With the apostolic authority granted me by the Savior of the world, I testify of the tranquility to the soul that reconciliation with God and each other will bring if we are meek and courageous enough to pursue it. ‘Cease to contend one with another,’ the Savior pled. If you know of an old injury, repair it. Care for one another in love.”
Concluding his discourse on the power of promises contained in forgiveness, Elder Holland said, “My beloved friends, in our shared ministry of reconciliation, I ask us to be peacemakers — to love peace, to seek peace, to create peace, to cherish peace. I make that appeal in the name of the Prince of Peace, who knows everything about being ‘wounded in the house of (His) friends’ but who still found the strength to forgive and forget — and to heal — and be happy.”
Kirsten Weir, a freelance writer who specializes in science, health and psychology, wrote in a 2017 article published by The American Psychological Association that, “Whether you’ve suffered a minor slight or a major grievance, learning to forgive those who hurt you can significantly improve both psychological well-being and physical health.”
This is not to say that showing forgiveness requires you to be a “doormat,” remain in abusive relationships or deal with destructive people in any way. Kristina Coop Gordon, Ph.D., and clinical psychologist, described the proper framing for forgiveness this way: “Without our deserving it, we can experience thunderous injustices. The injury was unfair, the person who created it was unfair. But now we have a place for healing.” That place for healing may require a change of location physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Functioning from a positive place and a position of strength is vital for forgiveness and healing to begin.
Mahatma Gandhi also described the forgiving soul: “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
It does take a strong soul to set aside slights. It takes courage to cast away contempt. It takes a greater vision of the inherent good in people to let go of a grudge. It takes a humble person to put down the wearying weight of a painful past.
As Christians around the world begin the celebration of the Christmas season it should be noted that it is a season of love which is “for giving” and “forgiving.” God so loved the world that he was willing to give his only begotten son. The life, ministry, atoning sacrifice and resurrection of Jesus Christ is a manifestation of the love and mercy that enables him to forgive and for humans to be forgiven. We should show that same love by “giving” to, and being “forgiving” of, our imperfect, fellow travelers here on earth.
Yes, I believe that Thanksgiving Thursday, Black Friday, Cyber Monday and Giving Tuesday should be followed by Forgiving Wednesday. And the real test for humankind is to prove through our lives and actions that the love we profess to hold in our hearts is indeed “for giving” and “forgiving.”