Society is reeling from the retreat of men from the home, neighborhood and society. Some have given up or given in to declining morals, values and narcissism. Others are struggling to be good fathers, are worried about making ends meet and are stressed about helping their children succeed. And still others feel they have failed as fathers and wonder if they are even needed anymore.
The world seems determined to dumb-down and even dismiss the role of men and fathers. The media often portrays men as knuckleheaded, bumbling idiots who have to constantly be saved from themselves.
Bashing men over the head with their faults while diminishing all the good they do is not helpful to men, women or children.
Numerous studies point to the fact that having a positive father or father figure in the home can be life-changing for children.
Dr. Warren Farrell, in his book “Father and Child Reunion,” explores the impact of fathers in society. Farrell spent over a decade looking at worldwide research on fathers and families. He concludes, “We are 100% certain that children do better in 26 different areas when they grow up in intact families. Children clearly pay a price when their fathers walk away or mothers keep dads away.”
The National Center for Health Statistics reports that 90% of homeless or runaway children are from fatherless homes. Most gang members also come from fatherless households.
Other studies show that children with present and positive fathers do better academically even if they attend less than stellar schools.
Children with involved fathers are better problem solvers and better deal with frustration, according to Dr. Kyle Pruett, professor of child psychiatry at the Yale School of Medicine.
University of Michigan psychology professor Brenda Volling adds that men are more likely to engage in “rough and tumble” play with children, which theory suggests helps kids regulate their emotions.
Dr. Farrell concluded that society has been waging a “War Against Fathers” and mothers and children are among the losers.
As is increasingly the trend, the media and movies are getting fathers and fatherhood wrong. Being a fabulous father or a dynamic dad has nothing to do with money, professional titles or the toys parked in the driveway of an upscale home. Fatherhood is not about physical appearance, apparel or having enough money for extravagant travel.
Real fathers simply take time for their children and constantly demonstrate through word and deed that they love and cherish their families and their communities.
Fortunately, there is a veritable army of fathers, brothers, uncles and grandfathers who regularly and routinely — without fanfare and far from spotlight — choose to make a difference. High-impact fathering happens in the low-lying events of day-to-day life and need not be tied to a biological father.
A ride to school, a trip to the store, a walk around the neighborhood, a simple email, reading a book, a handwritten note or an encouraging word can, for a child or an adult, become transformational ground where a positive future can begin.
All should express gratitude for brothers, uncles, friends, teachers, bosses and current colleagues who daily demonstrate what it means be a “difference maker” and an example of all that is good and all that is possible.
England’s prolific poet Edgar Guest wrote this fitting tribute to the dads who are forever determined to make a difference.
Only a dad with a tired face, Coming home from the daily race,
Toiling and striving from day to day, Facing whatever may come his way,
Glad in his heart that his own rejoice, To see him come home and to hear his voice.
Only a dad, but he gives his all, Smoothing the way for his children small,
Doing with courage so stern and grim, The deeds that his father did for him.
These are the lines that for him I pen, Only a dad — but the best of men.
We encourage all to take time today to say thanks and even offer a prayer of appreciation for “the best of men” who work daily with quiet courage to bless lives and make a difference for children, family and community.
The world must begin to reenthrone the vital role of fathers. In order for society to thrive and the human race to flourish, it must continue to have both extraordinary women and the best of men.