Studies about the sexualization of girls in culture and media get a lot of attention. So do reports about glass ceilings, the dearth of women in political offices or boardrooms and the #MeToo movement.
All of these are proper areas for concern. The battle against cultural norms that diminish or delegitimize women goes to the heart of self-worth and fulfillment. Sexual harassment finally is getting the attention it deserves.
But don’t forget about boys and young men. The culture sends them destructive messages, too, whether it concerns the glorification of violence or expectations about emotional vulnerabilities or the free expression of feelings.
The 2020 version of the American Family Survey, a nationwide study of 3,000 Americans conducted for the Deseret News and the Center for the Study of Elections and Democracy at Brigham Young University, found that parents are more concerned about their boys becoming successful adults than they are about their girls.
To get to this result, researchers had to ask parents about each gender separately. Ask them about sons and daughters together and they tend to apply equal measure of worry to both. There is subtle irony there. The reluctance to freely express feelings is one of the significant cultural problems inhibiting boys.
As Mary Alvord, a psychologist in the Washington, D.C., area told the Deseret News, girls tend to verbalize their feelings, while boys act out. Those traits tend to follow adolescents into adulthood, trailing a host of problems.
This is similar to what author Peggy Orenstein found during two years of interviews with boys nationwide. As she wrote in The Atlantic earlier this year, boys tend to describe “the ideal guy” in terms such as “dominance, aggression, rugged good looks … sexual prowess, stoicism, athleticism, wealth.”
Only 2% of male teenage respondents to a 2018 survey commissioned by Plan International USA identified honesty and morality as traits society values in males. Only 8% identified leadership skills.
These results ought to be a wakeup call for the culture. But instead of taking attention away from the problems plaguing girls, the two genders should be considered in tandem. Cultural expectations are failing boys and girls, the youth and future of America. These expectations are expressed in advertising, media and other subtle ways, including how suitable role models are projected to each gender.
The problems feed on each other. If young men feel pressure to exhibit sexual prowess, they are more likely to dehumanize young women or to view them as conquests. These attitudes work against inclinations to form loving relationships that lead to marriage and functional families.
The American Family Survey found that parents feel schools and churches cater more to girls, while sports and clubs cater to boys. But the difference was greatest when it came to schools, with 63% believing they cater well to girls, and 55% to boys. Significantly, parents had little overall faith in the justice system serving either gender of juveniles well.
All these institutions, including athletic coaches, must play a role in mentoring young men, providing role models and countering harmful cultural messages.
The Atlantic cited psychologist Andrew Smiler, an expert on the history of Western masculinity. He found that, contrary to modern society, the culture of the late 19th century expected men to be compassionate and caretakers. Finding a roadmap back to that expectation may be the key to a successful future for both sexes.