I have been interested in the discussion and debate recently regarding the topic of “white privilege” — the idea that whites, based on their race, have a distinct advantage in the struggle for economic and social success. From the research I’ve conducted and my own experience, there is no question that minority groups in the United States have been discriminated against in housing, employment, education, etc., making climbing the economic and social ladder much more difficult.
As a white male, I’ve undoubtedly had some privileges, but what gave me a distinct advantage growing up was having two parents who were committed to each other and to their five children. My mother read to me, told me stories, let me help her bake cookies, supported me in scouting, encouraged me to play the piano and a host of other wholesome activities. My father took me fishing, watched me play sports, encouraged me to get good grades and showed me what it was like to be a college professor — a career that I eventually decided to pursue.
Both my parents taught me to be honest, to work hard, to have empathy for others and to have faith in God. Such teachings have served me well in life. I did grow up in a life of privilege — a life of family privilege. I had two parents who saw it as their duty to love me, support me and raise me to be a responsible adult. Thus, I was raised in a very nurturing environment that helped me and my siblings thrive.
Research shows that children who grow up in two-parent homes, on average, have the following benefits over children who are raised by single parents:
- More secure financially.
- Do better in school and are less likely to drop out.
- Less prone to experience anxiety and depression.
- Less likely to take drugs or become addicted to alcohol.
- Less likely to experience sexual abuse and domestic violence.
- Less likely to commit crimes and be in the juvenile justice system.
- Less likely to engage in risky sexual behavior thus avoiding sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies.
Unfortunately, fewer children have these advantages in today’s world. In the United States, about 41% of all children are born to single mothers. In the 1960s, the out-of-wedlock birth rate was about 5%. The divorce rate has stabilized in recent years, but a little less than half of first-time marriages still end in divorce (second and third marriages are even more likely to end in divorce) which is generally highly disruptive to a child.
Moreover, cohabitation has skyrocketed in the past decade — many now see it as a substitute for marriage. But a cohabiting relationship is significantly more likely to end than a marriage, so it is often unstable, bringing with it challenges for children whose parents cohabit. Thus, the picture is not pretty when we look at the declining stability in American families.
Many of society’s most pressing problems such as suicide, drug abuse, crime, violence, school dropouts, homelessness, etc. can be largely attributed to the deteriorating family safety net that used to protect family members from experiencing such ills. Government and other organizations are often left to clean up the mess that our families have wrought.
Why are families less stable today? Janet Yellen, incoming Secretary of the Treasury, and other scholars have done research on this question. They generally conclude that the social stigma attached to out-of-wedlock births and cohabitation has declined significantly. There are fewer “shotgun marriages” today since men don’t feel the need take responsibility for fathering a child. With contraception and abortion available, the woman is seen primarily responsible for having a child out-of-wedlock.
Further, government welfare programs can encourage women to have children out-of-wedlock due to the benefits they receive, particularly mothers who are poor. To achieve personal happiness, marriage is seen as unnecessary by many. And if one is unhappy in a relationship, it is seen as appropriate for that person to leave the relationship to meet his or her needs, regardless of the needs of the partner and any children.
It is also true that many become single parents not of their own choice. I will always be grateful for my grandmother who faithfully raised my mother and her three siblings as a single mother trying to make ends meet on an elementary school teacher’s salary. It wasn’t easy for her, but my grandmother also had extended family — her mother and her brothers in particular — who helped raise my mother during difficult times during the Great Depression. Thus, single parents, like my grandmother, need adapt to life without a partner to create a stable environment for their children and do the best they can given the resources they have.
Along with fighting discrimination, our family patterns must change. We must put our families in order. Men and women must commit to marriage or at least a long-term relationship if they decide to have children. Parents have a legal obligation to meet their children’s physical needs and a moral obligation to meet their social and emotional needs. Children deserve to grow up in a warm, supportive environment surrounded by loving parents. This should be the privilege of all children.
W. Gibb Dyer is the O. Leslie Stone Professor of Entrepreneurship at the Marriott School of Business at Brigham Young University. Sources for the statistics in this article can be found in Professor Dyer’s book, “The Family Edge.”