The “most wonderful time of the year” is often the most hectic. Children are home from school. Extended family and friends are visiting. Parents and other caregivers are busy with holiday preparations and gatherings.
Unfortunately, all the holiday hubbub can also provide cover for individuals seeking to prey on the young and vulnerable.
An estimated 1 in 10 children experiences sexual abuse before their 18th birthday, and that risk is heightened during the holiday season. As the holidays approach, it’s essential for all of us to take the time to familiarize ourselves with the warning signs. By doing so, we can help protect the children in our lives from the devastating consequences of abuse.
Victims often don’t report abuse immediately, often because their abusers urge them not to, and they are confused and afraid. Many never disclose it.
It’s important to be on the lookout for any signs of abuse, which may not be obvious to the naked eye. Sexual abuse typically doesn’t result in visible signs like bruises, redness or welts like physical abuse does. Instead, parents and caregivers should be especially attentive to behavioral “tells” — particularly abrupt changes in behavior.
These warning signs can depend on the age of the child. Younger children might regress and have difficulty sleeping, experience nightmares or start wetting the bed. They might also begin to exhibit aggressive behavior, such as hitting or biting. Older children might seem withdrawn or anxious, and they might start having trouble in school or using drugs or alcohol.
Children often struggle to disclose abuse. They don’t always communicate the way an adult might. A child might suddenly seem fearful of being alone with a certain person or unusually “clingy” with primary caregivers. They might ask questions about their bodies or interactions rather than talk directly about their experience. They might tell you about the abuse as if it happened to someone else to test your reaction. One common sign of abuse is sexual behavior or talk about sexual topics that is age-inappropriate.
Parents can help prevent sexual abuse by starting the conversation early. Teach your children about private parts, body boundaries and the importance of telling an adult if they ever receive an unwanted touch or are made to feel uncomfortable. They should know about “red flag” behaviors, like an adult asking a child to spend time alone together, buying expensive gifts or asking a child to keep secrets. You need to let them know that it’s OK to tell you if someone is making them feel uncomfortable — even a relative or another trusted adult.
People who sexually abuse children look no different from anyone else. They can include relatives, neighbors, family friends or even older children, like a babysitter or cousin. About 90% of children know their abuser, and as many as 40% are victimized by an older juvenile. Most sexual abuse occurs in one-on-one situations, so it’s best to opt for group settings with multiple adults supervising children. Be aware of who your children are spending time with, and trust your gut if something doesn’t seem right.
If you suspect a child is being abused, it’s important to act quickly. Research shows that early disclosure of abuse, along with support from family and professionals, can lead to better long-term outcomes for victims. You don’t have to have proof to make a good-faith report, and you can remain anonymous when reporting.
You also don’t have to go through this alone. Children’s Advocacy Centers are a national network of facilities that provide treatment, advocacy and support for children who have experienced abuse. There are more than 900 centers in the United States, and each one provides a safe and child-friendly environment for children to tell their story and receive help.
Children and families can go to Child Advocacy Centers to get the services they need to recover, while authorities like police and child welfare workers join with mental health and medical professionals to make decisions about what each child needs. You can find the center nearest to you on the National Children Alliance’s website.
During the holiday season, let’s all work together to protect our children from sexual abuse. Knowing the warning signs and making use of available local resources can make a real difference.
Teresa Huizar is CEO of National Children’s Alliance (nationalchildrensalliance.org), America’s largest network of care centers for child abuse victims.