Opinion: Struggling with an addiction? How to avoid a relapse over the holidays

As I work with people and families healing from addiction, I hear the struggle and tension that holidays bring. We know this is a month to encourage family and friend gatherings. But the gatherings can bring a level of tension, anxiety, shame and guilt that is hard to handle when you are trying to not drink or use drugs. With the added tension comes increased pressure on the relapse prevention plan. How can we strengthen our plan through the holidays? 

As an addiction psychiatrist, I learn the most from the people I work with — patients and families. I wanted to share a list of things I’ve learned from some of them that might help. 

• At the holiday party or dinner, be present 10%-15% more than you want to be or normally would be. You’ll feel good in the effort.
• Be more curious about those around you. A simple, “what were some of your favorite hobbies this year?” can carry a conversation to new depth and meaning. 
• Give yourself permission to feel the discomfort of the holidays. See where they go. As a wise book points out: “No feeling is final.” 
• Remind yourself of what you value in relationships and social connection. Look for those who share these healthy values.
• Give yourself permission to skip an event or gathering. Take a hot bath or watch a favorite show instead.  
• Remember that self-care includes attending healthy holiday events most of the time. 
• Drink lots of water. It will keep you active, alert and awake. You’ll need an occasional bathroom break where you can step away from the crowd and do a little deep breathing to recenter. 
• Let your sponsor or peer recovery support know where you’re headed.
• Prepare to feel ignored. Sometimes people ignore us when they are insecure about themselves — or still hurting from the past. This is OK and it is very human. 
• Remember that the holidays are meant to celebrate people who have overcome hard things. Your victory is sobriety. Celebrate in your own healthy way. 
• Holidays are chaotic — Remember the serenity prayer. You can bring calm to your universe.

Spencer Hansen

Salt Lake City