Every day around 4:30 when I remember that my family will expect dinner, my first thought is always “Didn’t we just do that yesterday?”
I love cooking. It’s my favorite way to spend time. And I love eating. Especially with my loved ones. But when I really think about it, it’s pretty wild that dinner has to be planned, prepared and eaten every single day.
I know it’s important not just because we humans need food to survive, but also because research has shown immense benefits for families who dine together. The Family Dinner Project — a nonprofit initiative in Massachusetts that champions family dinners — reports that children who dine with their families perform better academically, have a greater sense of resilience and a lower risk of substance abuse, better cardiovascular health and healthier eating patterns. Their parents on average have increased self-esteem and a lower risk of depression. Even empty nesters and people who live alone benefit from sharing meals with loved ones on a regular basis.
But every night feels like a lot sometimes. The challenge, for me at least, is not in getting my family gathered, but in figuring out what we’re going to eat. And I know this is probably because my expectations are too high from having watched “Martha Stewart Living” every day during childhood summers. In the early years of my motherhood journey, I let myself believe that each dinner needed to be worthy of a magazine spread. But now, 12 years in, I’ve learned that’s a recipe for frustration. Some days I can pull a Martha. But some days I’ve run out of ideas, I’m short on ingredients, or I just don’t have any energy left. And I’ve learned there are a few things that help me plan for and deal with those days when they occur.
Remember, not every dinner has to be perfect
Doctors writing for the JAMA Pediatric Network recommend prioritizing eating together first, and well-balanced meals second.
Some days all we can manage is grilled cheese or quesadillas. Some days the In-N-Out drive-thru is the answer. What matters most is that everyone is fed, and when possible, everyone is together.
Grocery delivery
Often, 90% percent of the battle is getting the ingredients for whatever I want to make. If I don’t have time (or desire) to make it to the grocery store, I turn to grocery delivery. Instacart, DoorDash and Postmates all offer grocery delivery, as do individual retailers. I usually get my groceries within an hour of placing the order. I should note that while this saves time, it does not save money. There’s a delivery fee, a tip, and some items cost more in the app than they do in the store.
Division of labor
Many hands make light labor, unless those hands belong to toddlers, then their attempts to “help” sometimes triple the work, in my experience. But now that my kids are older, and they can actually help, dinner prep tends to go much smoother, and gives us additional time together in the kitchen. None of my kids are quite old enough to put together a whole meal themselves, but they can grate cheese, chop vegetables, set the table and help with dishes. As an added bonus, I’ve found that when they help prepare the food, they are more willing to eat it.
Utilize the freezer
Frozen vegetables are better than no vegetables. Chicken nuggets or a frozen pizza are better than starvation. Sometimes in between piano practice and T-ball games, the frozen tamales I keep in our freezer are the option that makes the most sense for dinner. I like to think of freezer food as the plan B for any given night. Trader Joe’s is especially good for freezer basics, but remember if you’re feeding more than two people, you probably need to buy at least two of each frozen meal they sell.
Expand your recipe horizons
It’s great to have beloved standby recipes, but making the same few things over and over will likely lead to a cooking rut. Finding new recipes can make cooking exciting again. Last year for Christmas, my mom gave my daughter the Little Passports Kitchen Adventures subscription. Each month we received a booklet of recipes from a different country, and together we made 12 different international meals. Some we loved. Some we didn’t. But it introduced our family to new flavors and even some dishes we’ve made again. I’ve since subscribed to newsletters like The New York Times cooking newsletter to get ideas for new recipes to try.
When all else fails, have dinner delivered
There are some days when everything falls apart and making dinner just isn’t in the cards. The good news is that meal delivery has never been more accessible — though not always affordable. Still, there are ways to reduce the cost of dinner delivery. Chase credit card holders, for instance, get a year’s free DoorDash delivery with complimentary DashPass. Just remember, it’s usually cheaper to order directly through the restaurant’s website than to order from a third-party delivery app.
At the end of the day, or around 4:30, it’s important to remember that the goal is to bring everyone together, not to win a culinary award. It’s the conversations we had and the laughs we shared around the table in my childhood that I remember, not the specific food we ate. As long as we’re sitting and eating together, we’re growing closer. And that’s what dinner is really about.