As is the case with most Thanksgiving dinners, families will discuss politics. Before and after Thanksgiving, we will see chatter about how insufferable and intolerant family members can be as they discuss the 2024 election. PBS ran a long piece before the election presenting narratives showing that “there are a lot of issues ... dividing Americans now, and that makes it harder for people who are Republican to ... live with their Democratic family members, and vice versa.”
Political differences are challenging to navigate, especially within families. However, as challenging as these disagreements may be, we cannot isolate family members who hold differing views. In a nation managing a loneliness epidemic and deep polarization, we should be leaning into our families and approaching differences with empathy and understanding. Doing so makes us better citizens and community members. As the late Rabbi Jonathan Sacks wisely proclaimed:
“The family is where we learn the delicate choreography of relationships and how to handle the inevitable conflicts within any human group. It is where we first take the risk of giving and receiving love. It is where one generation passes on its values to the next, ensuring the continuity of a civilization. For any society, the family is the crucible of its future.”
So, as we gather for the holidays, it is critical not to vilify differences and instead consider the possibility that family members attach different weight to political and social questions that impact their votes. Perhaps a loved one holds many liberal values but — like many Americans — is struggling at home financially. This family member has children, a mortgage, car payments, insurance, medical bills and climbing expenses, while their salary and benefits remain stagnant. What if this person truly believes that President-elect Donald Trump’s financial proposals are best for his or her family and is optimistic that a Republican White House can control costs related to health care and inflation? What if this family member holds liberal views on several shared values but truly believes that financial considerations are more important right now than issues related to the environment, LGBTQIA+ rights or other social issues? Making sure that he or she can feed, clothe and support their family may take priority.
What about a situation where a family member is conservative, religious and strongly supports Trump’s view on global affairs and engagement in places like Israel and Ukraine, believing that the “law and order” platform is the way forward in cities that seem to be spinning out of control? How would someone react to this family member saying that he or she cannot bring themselves to vote for Trump because there are daughters in the household, and he or she believes that supporting Trump sends the wrong message about how they view women and questions of moral and ethical behavior? As a result, they supported Harris on the ballot. This family member may be voting against his or her economic interests, but their core social values are not open to compromise.
Politics, like life, is messy. So many political choices are not easy to make or even make sense, and they rarely line up nicely or neatly with all our preferences. In politics, we are often forced to choose between extremes that represent only slivers of the electorate. As such, the selections we make are often imperfect and the lesser of evils. We must remember this truth when engaging with our families. While there are certainly members of the electorate who are ideologically sorted, strongly partisan and generally not open to debate and dialogue, most Americans are still mixed and very much in the middle of the ideological spectrum.
We should not rush to anger, fight with or write off family members when we disagree with their views this holiday season. Instead, we should have patience, empathy and understanding and be open to hearing alternative ideas. We should try to understand their motivations and their thinking. We must recognize that many are trying to make the best choices for their respective lives and circumstances, and we should not assume the worst of others, especially when dealing with family. Family members rarely come to the table with hatred toward their relatives. We should be able to find the love and respect to at least endeavor to find common ground with our kin and remember that we have shared ties and history that create stronger bonds of connection than the forces of difference. Our families anchor our lives and our communities; we cannot just disregard them over disagreements. If we can better connect with and understand our family members, maybe we can better understand others, too.