When Rob Henderson was growing up, he scored only 86 out of a possible 140 points on a verbal IQ test. His teachers thought he might have some kind of learning disability. But Henderson, who went on to graduate from Yale and Oxford, has a different theory. In a recent tweet, he noted that during this time, he was changing foster homes and schools frequently. “We are so reluctant to talk about the importance of having predictability, of having reliable caregivers, of having parents who put their children’s needs before their own.”

It is an increasingly popular idea among certain advocates to suggest that the neglect of children — compared to physical or sexual abuse — is not really a significant problem, and that child welfare agencies should stop investigating neglect and that most cases of neglect could really be solved with material resources provided by the government or private entities.

But as Henderson recounts in his memoir “Troubled,” it was not that his biological mother or his foster families abused him or that they didn’t have enough money to provide for him. Rather it’s that they did not take care of him or put his needs before theirs. In the case of his mother, she was too strung out on drugs to even handle his most basic necessities. And his foster families paid him little attention, allowing him to drink and use drugs from a young age, for instance.

But all this takes a terrible toll on children — the same kind of toll as physical abuse, as it turns out. A study by sociology professors Christina Kamis, of the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, and co-author Molly Copeland, of the University of Notre Dame, looked at three outcomes for maltreated children: whether they were less social/more withdrawn, less popular with or avoided by their peers, and how tightly knit or cohesive their social connections were. The results were published in the journal Child Abuse and Neglect.

Of more than 9,150 individuals surveyed, 41% reported some form of maltreatment before age 12. The ones who did performed worse on all the outcomes measured. “Maltreated children often feel shame and may have lower self-esteem and sense of belonging as a consequence of maltreatment, which precipitates withdrawal from their peers,” Kamis said in a press release from the University of Illinois. “Experiencing abuse or neglect may also cause children to anticipate rejection or victimization by their peers, making them less likely to reach out to others.”

What is happening at home can mean that children don’t know how to properly behave in social settings. The authors note that these children may be less likely to trust others and find it harder to form attachments with friends and other adults. Moreover, the fact that they are less likely to reach out to others makes it more likely they will suffer maltreatment in silence for longer.

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But the authors were surprised to find that there was not much difference in terms of the social harms between children who experienced neglect and those who experienced abuse.

We may think that it will be more obvious to other children if a classmate is experiencing physical abuse — maybe they will have a black eye or a broken bone — but Kamis notes, “If you are not receiving proper housing, food and clothing, or you’re not being bathed or taken care of at home, that can be visible to your peers and have stigma attached to it.” She notes: “The external manifestations of neglect may cause other children to avoid being friends with that child, while the shame the neglected child feels can also cause them to withdraw from others.”

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As Kamis explains, it’s not just that children may be embarrassed by their family’s poverty either. Being bathed and taken care of at home are not just matters of a family having more money. When a parent is suffering from mental illness or substance abuse, that may cause them to check out as well. Teachers and other adults need to be aware if a child is not being cared for at home.

And while we don’t want to engage in too much government intervention, it’s important for adults who see these kids to know the signs that something is wrong at home. Maybe it doesn’t seem like a big deal if a kid seems hungry or underdressed, or that they have not recently bathed, but it could be a sign of much larger problems. And those problems may only be exacerbated when they come to school.

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