I know I say, and probably write, this every year, but this January felt long. Really long. Not to be dramatic but maybe unbearably long? Longer than every other really long January.
It could be the constant onslaught of anxiety inducing national headlines that have made these last few weeks feel eternal. It could be the frigid temperatures here in Utah — I have slipped on ice no fewer than 17 times this month so far.
But I think if I really had to put my finger on it, the thing that has made this first month of 2025 feel a thousand years long is the sickness(es) lurking around every corner.
Everyone I know is either sick, has been sick in the last couple of weeks, or will be sick soon.
As my illustrious colleague Lois M. Collins reported last week, the United States may be experiencing a quademic — influenza, COVID-19, RSV and norovirus are running rampant through the population. And, as Collins points out in her article, it’s cold season on top of everything else.
Anecdotally I can attest that this flu and respiratory illness season is especially bad. Every day I get a text from someone canceling plans because they’ve come down with one of the four quademic ailments. Either I’m a terrible person to spend time with or people are getting ill at unprecedented rates. I’m choosing to believe the latter. And these people, who again, I’m pretty sure are not lying to me, are not just mildly ill. They’re can’t-get-out-of-bed-for-a-week ill.
But somehow, so far, for reasons I do not understand, I have not been hit. And I’m starting to feel like one of the main characters in a zombie apocalypse movie.
Maybe THE main character because truly, I should have gotten sick by now. All of my friends have. Everyone in my family has. I’ve had to get up close and personal with children’s vomit in the last few weeks far more than I would like. I have my kids’ school’s attendance line number memorized and I’ve had to order children’s Motrin in bulk.
And somehow, I’ve remained unscathed.
January is barely finished, and just like in a zombie movie, things are getting scarier. The disease-adjacent jump scares are popping up all over the place. I’ll think I’m safe in my own home, and then, when the soundtrack cuts out and things are eerily quiet, I’ll look in the mirror, and BAM, a kid with a runny nose will suddenly pop up behind my reflection. I’ll be minding my own business in the grocery store cereal aisle, then turn a corner into the baking supply section and BAM, I’ve walked right into a sneeze. Nowhere is safe from communicable disease droplets.
I hate to use two metaphors in one article (not really) but those of us who haven’t been brought down by one of the four ailments yet are playing proverbial Frogger to get through January unscathed. Just when we’ve dodged a stomach bug, a sore throat comes barreling down the road toward us. And if we manage to hop one lane past that, body aches await.
The chances of making it through February without a fever are about the same as the chances of beating Frogger. But even if we make it through February, more physiological horrors may await.
According to NBC News, the rate of flu infections is still rising, and may actually spike in February. So those of us who think we’re special — the star of our own zombie apocalypse films — are about to learn we’re the lovable sidekicks at best. It’s only a matter of time before we succumb to the illnesses. Maybe all of them.
The reality is If you, like me, haven’t been brought down by a terrible cough or bout of nausea yet, you likely will be by the time the next month ends.
You can sanitize your shopping cart handles. You can take vitamin C religiously. You can drink lots of water and get plenty of sleep. You should do all those things, probably, if you want a fighting chance to get through this winter healthy. But the reality is, they probably won’t save you from the quademic without a good deal of luck. Nothing will. It’s coming for us all.
So if you have plans this week, no you don’t. Because you’re going to get sick or the person with whom you have plans is going to get sick or both of you and all of your collective children are going to get sick.
And it’s best to just accept that now before you’re taken by surprise that is both the zombie horror flick and all-too real Frogger game that is this winter. You can’t beat it and you’re not the star of the film. So stock up on the Motrin now.