Father’s Day is this weekend, and while that day can be emotionally challenging for some dads, it seems like there’s a lot less angst around this celebration than there is around Mother’s Day.
I asked my husband — a dad to many — if he ever felt emotionally conflicted about the day and he said no, not really, but sometimes it feels awkward to have a day focused on him. Well, buckle up, dear, because I am happy to focus on you in this column.
I asked our now-grown children what they loved about their dad and what they learned from him. Definite patterns emerged in their responses. They mentioned his work ethic, his ability to fix anything and his love of his family.
Here is one example from our 25-year old daughter:
“I’ve learned just about everything from dad. Changing a tire, starting a fire, setting up a tent, cooking, providing for family when things are hard.”
She also said she has learned ”that if he doesn’t know something, YouTube sure does and that it’s a great source. He teaches by example. I’ve learned to be more reserved and considerate because of him. Also that you can fry just about anything.”
Another wrote about her dad’s ability to work hard. “He’s proven that 9.9/10 times you can solve it yourself with the right mindset and patience. If the task be big or small, you could always expect Dad to solve it or attempt to solve it before looking into other options.”
A third daughter, this one a mother to a two-year old, wrote her answer in the form of a letter: “Dear Dad: One of the biggest things I admire is your strength — not just physical, but the quiet kind that shows up in hard times, when things aren’t easy, and you keep going anyway. You’ve always led by example, showing me what it means to be dependable, and hardworking. Watching you handle life with resilience and grace has taught me more than any lesson in a book ever could.
“I admire your incredible ability to fix anything — with duct tape, WD-40, or just ‘giving it a good whack.’ Your toolbox is basically a magic kit, and somehow you always know what to do — even if your first suggestion is to ‘just Google it.’
“You’ve taught me so many valuable life lessons, like: Always check the oil in your car (even if I still forget). Don’t spend money on something you can build yourself — even if it takes five weekends and three trips to Home Depot.
“And, most importantly, after becoming a parent myself, ‘because I said so’ is a totally valid reason.
“I’ve learned that love is shown in actions, in the long hours you worked, in the advice you gave, in the way you’ve always been there for our family.
“You’ve taught me how to be steady in a world that often feels unpredictable. You’ve shown me how to be both strong and gentle, and that real courage sometimes means showing up quietly and doing your best, day after day.”
One of our sons told me that he loves that his dad is “a good man and he works hard; if something is broken or something needs to get done he gets it done.” He added, “He always says ‘if you’re gonna do something, be the best at that thing’ and he truly has been the best at being a dad!”
Two of our sons mentioned that they loved how my husband loves and supports me.
Let me tell you what I’ve learned about parenting by watching my husband over the last almost-40 years. First, moms and dads parent differently! OK, obvious, I know. He found ways to connect with kids as they grew that were different from the late-night talks kids had with me.
He wrestled with them, tossed balls in the backyard, worked on jigsaw puzzles together, and taught them home improvement, home repair and car repair skills by doing them with the kids. He taught our kids to drive. I tried that once — it did not go well and involved some screaming that we were going to die. But Greg is steady and patient and kind.
He taught me to just stop worrying about things that didn’t matter, like the length of their hair, the color of the shirt they wore to church, or the way they loaded the dishwasher.
He taught me that I didn’t need to step in and “rescue” a child every time they faced a challenge, big or small. He taught me to love dad jokes, and to laugh at myself when I do dumb things. He is still teaching me how to be a parent to adult children, which is so different (and so much harder) than I had imagined!
I know that many of the lessons he taught our children, not so much in words, but by example, really stuck with our kids — especially as they became parents themselves. They are loving and kind and patient too. They’ve embraced dad jokes and learning via YouTube.
One of our daughters said she can not wait until her little boy gets to “do stuff” with Grandpa. He’s two months old.
Happy Father’s Day!