After months of hopeful rumors, online speculation and excited anticipation, the wish of (most) Utahns came true this week when the Costco food court Pepsi fountains were replaced with Coca-Cola fountains.
Since 2013, Costco food courts had offered only Pepsi products to the thirsty patrons looking for a drink to pair with their remarkably inexpensive hot dog. This Pepsi exclusivity made Costco enemy territory for those of us partial to Diet Coke. So the switch to Coke products has been met with much rejoicing among my circles.
But, one might ask, how much does this actually matter? Is getting a soda at Costco even necessary? It’s just a grocery store — why do you need a Diet Coke for getting groceries?
And I would ask in return, have you ever been to Costco?
Anyone who has seriously shopped at Costco understands the physicality it requires, and how a refreshing cup full of gently caffeinated liquid can boost a shopper during their trip through the store. Getting a Diet Coke for shopping at Costco is like bringing electrolytes for sustained exercise — it’s stupid not to.
Because shopping at Costco is like hiking Mount Everest, just with fewer dead bodies along the way. And without spiky shoes or oxygen masks, except now I’m wondering if I should bring some crampons and compressed oxygen cylinders the next time I go — it couldn’t hurt, right? Because shopping at Costco involves cardio, weight resistance and extreme temperature fluctuations. Especially if you shop at Costco like I do.
I made a get-every-thing-all-at-once Costco trip earlier this week with my 6-year-old in tow. He’s perfectly capable of walking, but I knew his, um, typical leisurely pace would double our time spent in the store, so I plopped him in the cart before heading to the frozen food aisles for chicken breasts and salmon. From there, we hit the produce room, which they keep refrigerated, partly to keep the fruits and vegetables fresh, I think, and partly to keep customers from lingering too long. Things can get really congested around the broccoli if customers don’t keep it moving.
The produce room is not quite as chilly as the dairy room, which, I do believe, is roughly the same temperature as the peak of Everest. We had to go in wearing just our shorts and T-shirts to get milk, which comes in a two-pack and is very heavy to lift.
Not as heavy as the giant bag of diet dog food — because our dog has a bit of a weight problem — I had to maneuver off the shelf and onto the bottom rung of the cart, which was essentially a very challenging squat, one that had to be repeated to get the laundry detergent and then the sparkling water.
Between the multiple squats, and pushing a cart filled with one 45-pound bag of dog food, two gallons of milk, a 24-case of sparkling water, 10 pounds of laundry detergent and one 6-year-old child, I was breaking a sweat. And we hadn’t even hit the canned goods section yet.
So I was extremely grateful for the hydration and caffeine from the Diet Coke that came with my son’s $1.50 hotdog combo. And I was so grateful it was in a flavor I enjoy, not a flavor that tastes how I imagine Pine-Sol would taste, which has always been my experience with Diet Pepsi.
As my son and I left the store, we passed our fellow patrons sitting at the food court, enjoying their own $1.50 hot dog and Diet Coke combos. I could just tell they all shared my joy at this welcome turn of events. And for a brief moment, all felt right in the world.
That was until I had to take a flight out of the Salt Lake City airport and discovered that many of the vendors I had once relied on to sell Diet Coke now only sell Pepsi products. This is a deeply upsetting turn of events that I plan to get to the bottom of. But for now, I guess I have to accept that when one vendor switches to Coke, another switches to Pepsi.
We really can’t have it all.