A mom and her toddler are evicted from their apartment and put on a Greyhound bus just hours after giving birth and placing her baby in adoption to make room for the next woman. Another is pressured to sign adoption consent papers, or else they will be asked to return thousands of dollars of living expenses. These aren’t just tales; they are real stories happening to mothers in the state of Utah.
I, too, placed my baby into the arms of another mother through adoption. Over the last two decades, I’ve shared my experiences along with the heartaches and joys of our open adoption. Our story and open adoption relationship have been sought out as a model of how it can be done well. The difference in my story was the ethical care I received from an agency and support system that ensured my decisions were informed and entirely my own. I had access to counseling before and after birth and was told I could change my mind at any time — even up until the moments before signing my rights away.
As a birth mom with a more “positive story” that many pro-life and religious organizations share to show the “beauty” of adoption, I care about the birth moms placing a child in Utah because stories like mine, with ethics and support, should be the norm, not the exception. Unfortunately, the standard of care for moms being transported to Utah and coerced into adoption is more like a nightmare than beautiful.
While adoption has been touted as a pro-life solution to abortion, it’s important to understand how adoption also impacts babies and mothers. Yes, it is a life-affirming choice. Yes, it can provide stability for the child. But what about the moms? And at what cost? Why is her care both during pregnancy and post-placement considered secondary (if at all) to the life of her child? Birth mothers are called brave and selfless, yet many are actually coerced through Utah agencies’ tactics that leave a mom no choice but to be brave in her decision.
Why is this happening? To meet the demand of children by prospective adoptive parents, yes, but even more so to pad the pockets of Utah-based agencies, which charge nearly double the national average of private adoptions. This practice commodifies the very children we are trying to protect. It undermines the dignity of mothers and babies while exploiting them.
If we are pro-life, advocating for both moms and babies, how are adoption ethics and policies not included?
This is the beginning of a person’s life and story, and at the same time, this is a painful chapter in a mom’s life. Adoption needs to be a safe option, not another route to harm. Utah’s adoption tourism is adding layers of trauma to an already difficult situation.
Opposing arguments express the fear that if adoption law amendments are passed in Utah, abortions will increase. However, typically, women don’t choose between adoption and abortion. We first decide between continuing the pregnancy and abortion. Then, often months later, we decide on parenting or adoption.
As Utah Adoption Rights put it, “Protecting life also means protecting mothers from being exploited when they choose life.” The current adoption laws are too vague to ensure mothers can choose life safely. It sets up a breeding ground of coercion, greed and preventable trauma. Many mothers are promised a fresh start for themselves and their children, yet are sent back to their home state to worse conditions than they originally left behind.
Pro-life leaders, I urge you to consider the larger picture that includes not just the life of a child, but also improving the safety of women who are choosing life.