Enough is enough. In the past five years we have been inundated with multiple Hollywood shows widely promoted as somehow offering a truer, inside look at what a woman who is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is.
And some people are even believing it.
After posting on Facebook my concerns about these shows, one Latter-day Saint mother Traci Huber wrote me, saying her children believe these shows accurately depict Latter-day Saint women in Utah.
I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as well — one of nearly 8 million female members in more than 170 different countries. And my life is certainly not a secret or something to be ashamed of.
Do you know what I really did this week as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ? Let me lay it out for you:
1. I attended church where I was sustained as a leader to young women, ages 11 to 18, in my area.
Since then I have laid awake at night hoping and praying that they will see themselves as I see them. As God sees them.
I pray for their happiness, and I beg that I can be a role model for them. I hope that my voice can be louder than the garbage thrown at them daily.
My message to Hollywood: Don’t belittle what active Latter-day Saint women actually do with their time.
2. I also wore sacred temple garments this week. They aren’t a joke. They aren’t a laughing matter. I made promises to God, much like many other denominations around the world that wear clothing in remembrance of their promises with God.
I am not forced to do it. I choose it. The promises I made to God are sacred to me. Does anyone even know what sacred means anymore?
Poking fun about taking garments off also oversimplifies the struggle of those in my faith who have chosen to no longer wear theirs. Is that journey funny? No. It can be painful and isolating; choosing a different path takes a lot of courage.
Latter-day Saint garments represent sacred covenants. One does not simply make covenants in something they deeply believe in and then leave the representation of those covenants home as a joke.
3. I loved my neighbors. I don’t know a single woman in my church group who treats another person in nasty ways like these women being featured in Hollywood shows.
The women in my neighborhood cry with me. They bring me dinner when emergencies happen. They text me encouraging things. They share their successes with me. They invite me to do uplifting things. They give me hugs when they see me.
Not once have they started drama for me intentionally or gotten together to gossip about me.
Missing what’s most beautiful
None of the sacrifice, service and compassion — common among Latter-day Saint women — comes through in dramatic portrayals from “The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives,” “The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City” and now, “The Bachelorette.”
After I posted my feelings about these shows on social media, several Latter-day Saint women wrote me or commented on my post, also sharing their feelings.
The shows were “all kind of meh and silly at first,” Latter-day Saint Katy Elizabeth Sites told me. “But now? It’s everywhere and absolutely not true or representative of our faith and who we are.”
Misrepresentation aside, can you imagine any comparable show portraying other believing women in a similarly scandalous way? (“The Secret Lives of Jewish or Muslim Wives?”).
To be so consistently and profoundly misrepresented by popular media is frustrating, especially because the authentic details of most of the lives of believing, Latter-day Saint women are getting missed.
And I’m not alone in being exhausted by it all. “I’ve never met a (Latter-day Saint) woman who acts like these women do,” wrote Mindy Powell on the same post. “Been in Utah and Idaho my whole life.”
So, how do we really act? That’s the beauty that producers are missing. Kari Eschler, who identifies as a nonpracticing member, shared with me about living in a neighborhood with “the most wonderful” members of the church. Even though her family wasn’t currently attending, she said, “they check up on me and my family. While going through Stage 4 cancer they helped my family so much. It is a beautiful religion with beautiful teachings that this world desperately could use.”
“My faith is my life,” Latter-day Saint Jenna Crant wrote to me. “My garments are my symbols of the promises I made and the promises Heavenly Father has made to me. It is the most important thing in my life.”
Find a new storyline
To be clear, it isn’t the expression of these women’s personal experiences on the shows that fuels the fire. It is the pretense of somehow representing women of our faith and the outright mockery of things we hold sacred. With the opening scenes in “The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives” portraying temples and nods at baptism, it is hard to stomach.
In a similar vein, Latter-day Saint Robyn Buckwalter wrote me about feeling “super sick” of dramatic narratives like these being promoted as being “anything remotely connected with Latter-day Saint women.”
“I know we are all getting so tired of this misinformation/hate going on,” added young Latter-day Saint Nicole Lane. “I’m preparing to serve a mission, and it always breaks my heart seeing the amount of hate and misrepresentation online.”
Have your success in Hollywood by all means. Every woman of my faith that I know would cheer you on for your successes.
But please find a new storyline — one that tries to represent women in our faith. I am raising young women, while also seeking to be a role model to other young women. And so many of us yearn for these young women to see more authentic, public representation of women who follow Jesus Christ in how they live and treat people.
My intent in speaking out is not to tear other women down, but to bring out more light and truth on this issue, while advocating for more authentic media representation of the silent majority.
We are powerful leaders in our community with beautiful intent. Imagine that as the plot line for the next Hollywood show about Latter-day Saint women.