Most adults would agree that every youth should feel heard and seen, especially when they are feeling lonely or sad, need help, or simply want to talk about their day. This same understanding should be shared with our youth in foster care. They need an advocate, someone they can trust who will listen. But in reality, they are not always listened to.
The consequences can be serious. Many teens who age out of the foster care system without a permanent family connection experience homelessness shortly after leaving. According to the National Foster Youth Institute, approximately 20% of youth become homeless immediately after aging out of foster care. This reality makes it clear that we must listen more intentionally to the experiences of these young people.
When I first met Jessica, she was distant and did not want to talk to me. I respected her space but stayed close enough to let her know I was there and listening. After years of instability and adults cycling in and out of her life, her hesitation was fair.
Over time, Jessica began to open up. She was clear. She knew exactly what she wanted and where she wanted to be.
Jessica wanted to go home to her Aunt Sandy.
Sandy raised Jessica for most of her childhood and was the only person she ever called “Mom.” Even after years apart, their bond never faded. Jessica was not looking for a new dream of what family could be; she needed someone willing to recognize and honor the family she had always known.
As Jessica’s youth connections advocate, my role was not to direct her future but to support her as she found her voice and to ensure that voice was taken seriously. Showing up mattered. Listening mattered.
While paperwork and court proceedings moved forward, Jessica began short visits with her aunt Sandy. Those visits were small, but they made a difference. They gave Jessica reassurance that she mattered and validation of the connection she had never forgotten.
As months passed, Jessica smiled more, engaged more and began reconnecting with family. The protective walls she built slowly came down.
By March 2025, Jessica was approved to move back to Sandy’s home. The shift was immediate. She settled into routines, laughed more easily and felt safe again. Six months later, Sandy officially adopted her.
Jessica’s story is not about luck. Each year in Utah, teens leave foster care without a permanent family connection just as adulthood begins. According to the Annie E. Casey Foundation’s Utah state profile, a significant number of young people were still in foster care on their 18th birthday but had exited by age 19, indicating they aged out without a permanent legal family connection.
Listening to young people is not just a best practice; it is a necessity. When youth are excluded from decisions about their own lives, they learn their voices do not matter. When they are invited in, something shifts. They begin to see themselves as people whose voices carry weight. That shift can change the trajectory of a life.
Too often, teens in foster care are treated as bystanders in decisions about their own lives. Yet many know exactly what they need. Older youth are among the least likely to be adopted, and many wait years for permanency or age out entirely.
Jessica’s story reminds us that permanency does not always mean starting over. Sometimes, it means recognizing existing family ties and safely helping youth return to them.
Family connection gives youth what no program or policy can: identity, belonging and someone who knows their story. For Jessica, family was never in doubt.
Jessica’s future changed because someone listened.
Editor’s note: Names have been changed to protect the privacy of the youth and her family.