Which families should be supported by good family policy? Too often, influencers on social media tell us we should pick one of two choices: families with a traditional homemaker/breadwinner division of labor or families with two working parents. Thus, debates over child care are often framed as choosing between supporting families where both parents work or ignoring those that choose to have mom or dad stay home. This binary is tired and false.
As researchers at an independent think tank, we recently released a report showing that the line between working parents and stay-at-home parents is both fuzzy and fluid. We also found that many stay-at-home parents need child care and most want it from trusted family, neighbors, or friends, but they face barriers to getting that care. By listening to parents and putting their varied needs at the center of policymaking, the government can and should find ways to support families making the decisions that work best for them.
Broadly, our research has found that stay-at-home parents are a far more mixed group than their caricatured portrayal in pop culture and on social media. The first wrong assumption is that stay-at-home parents engage in no paid work.
While there is no single established definition of a stay-at-home parent, we define them as parents or legal guardians who provide primary care for at least five hours during the day for at least one child under the age of 12.
With that lens, we have found parents who may care for their children all day and then work the night shift, and those who work remotely and provide work and care simultaneously. The reasons for providing care themselves were equally varied.
Some of the parents we spoke to in focus groups expressed a deeply held desire to be home with their children during the early years; others cherished that time but expressed a preference to work more hours outside the home yet were unable to do so because of child care costs and availability.
Indeed, one consistent theme we heard was the need for more child care. In many cases, that was due to a desire to pick up more paid hours of work (while still not working full-time) in order to cover the family’s basic needs. In other cases, stay-at-home parents needed care so that they could attend a medical appointment, take an older child to an appointment, provide care to an aged loved one, or even just have a break for their own mental health and social life. Particularly when such needs are recurring, as with caring for an older child who has complex medical needs, the occasional babysitter doesn’t suffice.
When we asked stay-at-home parents what their preferred form of child care would be, assuming all options were equally affordable, around half said they wanted a family, friend, or neighbor (FFN) caregiver. In contrast, 36% said they preferred a licensed child care program. FFN caregivers are especially important for rural families and families that need child care during non-traditional work hours such as nights and weekends. While this is certainly not an “either/or” situation — licensed programs are underfunded, crucial sources of support for millions of families — FFN caregivers have traditionally found themselves on the outskirts of child care policy.
For instance, according to the nonprofit BUILD Initiative, as of 2023, less than half of states had any kind of statewide FFN support, while 11 states don’t allow FFN providers to access public child care funds at all.
In Utah, FFN providers can apply to be part of the state’s Child Care Assistance Program which helps cover child care costs for low- and moderate-income families. However, the process can be arduous (there is a nine-page list of approval requirements) and the pay is relatively low: Even after recent updates, the maximum reimbursement amount is between $385 and $495 a month, depending on the child’s age.
This isn’t a challenge unique to red states or blue states. In 2024, for instance, Washington state boosted its FFN reimbursement rate — to $4 an hour. Rates are better in leading states like New Mexico; its newly universal child care system offers FFN providers $750 a month per covered child.
Improving FFN reimbursement rates, then, is a good first step that would make providing ongoing, regular care a more viable option for many grandparents, aunts, uncles and neighbors who may otherwise struggle to make ends meet themselves. There are real consequences when would-be FFN providers cannot realistically offer care because of financial constraints. In a previous round of research, we found that 41% of stay-at-home parents “rarely” or “never” had access to the external care that they need.
Similarly, policymakers should streamline the registration process for FFN providers so that applications are straightforward and multilingual, and approval requirements are focused on the most important aspects of health, safety and a positive learning environment. There are also ways to help FFN providers through the tax code: Colorado, for example, has made FFN providers eligible for its Care Worker Tax Credit, a refundable $1,200 credit on state taxes. Colorado has also made strides in codifying FFN support: the state has a FFN Advisory Council that advises its Department of Early Childhood, as well as a point person within the department to coordinate around FFN issues.
It’s likely these moves would be politically popular, particularly if couched as support for stay-at-home parents. Our research found that a majority of parents with children under the age of 12, whether or not they are stay-at-home parents — and including close to half of Republicans — would be more likely to support child care legislation if it both strengthened families with stay-at-home parents and those that use licensed child care programs. A mere 7% across parties said they would be less likely to support legislation that was inclusive of stay-at-home parents.
For too long, erroneous notions of who stay-at-home parents are and what they need for their families to thrive have stood in the way of wise, pluralistic family policy. Lifting up family, friend and neighbor caregivers would set a strong precedent for how supporting stay-at-home parents can lead to policy reforms that lift up all families.
Ivana Greco and Elliot Haspel are senior fellows at Capita’s Family Policy Lab. Elise Anderson is the manager of Capita’s Family Policy Lab.