Kasey, a 31-year old lawyer, feels like time is running out to find her perfect match. This year marks 10 years of living in Washington, D.C. and after growing up in what she calls, “cornfield, cow farm Ohio,” she was — at first — fairly open to dating anyone across the political spectrum.
She’s always been a liberal, but things were different back then, she explained. “There used to be a nice, medium ground” with how politics impacted dating, but now, “it’s becoming a difference in values.”
So now, she’s looking for someone who thinks like she does.
“You want someone who aligns with your values completely because that’s who you want to build a life with,” Kasey said. “I feel like now, politics have become so polarizing that you don’t have a choice.”
Kasey is one of the more than half of Washington’s residents who are single. In a city where careers drive the day-to-day and political beliefs are strongly held, it’s not surprising that D.C. was named the loneliest city in America in 2024 by the Chamber of Commerce.
Democrats and Republicans don’t often agree in today’s political climate. But no matter if someone is a registered Democrat, Republican, or somewhere in between, there’s one thing they can agree on: dating in Washington, D.C., is the worst.
Among the many singles in the Washington area interviewed for this article, they all agreed politics and the dating scene go hand in hand.
While this might also hold true in many places across the country, it seems especially true in Washington, where hundreds of thousands of the city’s residents are federal workers and work in politics-adjacent fields.
In D.C., there are spoken and unspoken rules around party politics and socializing. For example, Republicans live and hang out in the Navy Yard neighborhood, while the Mt. Pleasant neighborhood is a Democratic hub. There’s designated bars, restaurants and activities that GOP Capitol Hill staffers stick to and the same is true for Democratic staffers.
Locals commonly refer to the dating scene as the “the trenches,” and that’s the same no matter who they voted for.
Over the past couple of weeks I asked people in “the trenches” about whether they prioritize dating, the lost art of the meet cute in the digital age, and how politics fits into their love life.
Several of the people interviewed requested to be identified only by their first name or to have their name withheld. After all, D.C. is a networking city, where conversations often begin with the line: “So, what do you do and who do you work for?”
The results of these interviews and the current Millennial and Gen Z outlook on dating may seem disheartening — but while, yes, dating in the nation’s capital is a bipartisan pain, many of the people I spoke to still expressed optimism about their chances at finding love.
Love across the aisle? Probably not
In the current political moment, when there is an unprecedented amount of divisiveness among Americans, we wondered, are people open to dating someone who has different political beliefs?
More often than not, the people I spoke to said no, they are not.
It shows that in 2026 political affiliation has risen to become a more important part of a person’s identity than it was in the past. Something that maybe in previous decades wouldn’t have been as big of a dealbreaker, is now part of a person’s personal dating algorithm.
Kasey noted that she’ll turn 32 next month. Now, as she is looking for people to date, she’s trying to be more selective – both because of how toxic politics can be, but also because of her age.
“A lot of women who are busy professionals right around this age, we kind of have to determine if we want a future family, kids or anything like that,” she said.
Kasey said she and her female friends have had discussions about freezing their eggs, and have joked about all going in on buying a house together. She said she doesn’t think she will ever go back to dating someone who is apolitical, moderate or conservative. Still, she said that it’s a really difficult thing to draw the line at and the dating pool is becoming smaller.
“What are our choices? They’re starting to dwindle. It’s horrible,” Kasey said.
Lexi Hamel, a 25-year-old who grew up in St. George, Utah, said if she had to describe D.C.’s dating scene in one word it would be “terrible.” She said she just has to laugh about it at this point.
“I think in this political climate, it would be really hard to date someone who doesn’t align with you politically, especially out in D.C. Maybe in another state it would work, but I think even if your job isn’t in politics, you’re here and it’s almost impossible to not have an opinion,” she said.
She said she is largely only looking to date Republicans and it would be hard to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t align with her values and career. Hamel has worked on Capitol Hill for several years and currently works for Sen. Mike Crapo, an Idaho Republican.
“I’m very supportive of the administration. I’m very supportive of what Republicans are doing in Congress and the legislation that we’re trying to get passed. It would be really hard to have someone to go home to question everything that I do and everything that I believe,” she said.
For some others, there are different reasons why they are opposed to dating someone who has different political beliefs.
One woman, a 24-year-old federal consultant from Denver, Colorado, who asked that we not use her name, said while using dating apps she almost never goes on dates or matches with someone who lists that they’re apolitical, moderate or conservative. She describes herself as liberal and thinks that there is a “baseline of moral values” that she and those people likely wouldn’t agree on.
“That’s not something I’m looking for with someone I’d want to end up with long term, or even just have in my community and my circle, so it’s just best not to waste anyone’s time,” she said.
She shared that just the other day, on Hinge (one of the more popular dating apps) someone conservative liked her profile and left a comment that he could “be your JD Vance,” referring to the vice president’s Indian wife. “Like, why would you say that to me? First of all, being an Indian woman and second of all, my bio says I’m liberal,” she said.
Another woman, a 24 year-old from Boston, who also asked to remain anonymous, said she is currently registered independent and leans further left than most Democrats. The woman, a climate consultant, said she is “very against dating people who don’t align with my politics.”
“As a woman, as a Black woman, as a person who comes from a family of immigrants, I feel like politics for a lot of people is kind of abstract,” she said, but for her, it feels personal.
She said she’s on the dating apps “begrudgingly” because that’s how it largely happens now, but wished more opportunity came from organic, in-person interactions. Even still, she only looks for dates who would align with her political views.
“I think if (the disagreement) is on something like tax policy, sure, yeah we can have a conversation. But if it’s on reproductive rights or things like that, to me, that’s a non-negotiable,” she said.
A 27-year-old gay man from Massachusetts, who also asked we not use his name, said he is “pretty liberal” and thinks it’s not necessarily a “non-starter” if someone has different political beliefs but it matters if the individual is understanding and respectful.
“I think, from a values perspective, and also just kind of like a world view perspective,” he said. “I think in dating, I’m looking for someone who ultimately is similar to me and kind of thinks like me and understands me and I understand them.”
“I want someone who challenges me, yes, but also someone who just really deeply understands me,” he continued. “And I think when politics can feel really personal, especially as a queer person and in today’s climate, I think it is important to have someone who understands that part of me and my beliefs.
Can dating be bipartisan?
There are those who are willing and open to dating across the political divide, though many of them worry it may not work out.
Jon, a 32-year-old partner at a lobbying firm who is from Philadelphia, describes himself as more of a “Romney Republican” than a “MAGA Republican.” Like many of his peers, Jon said he put his head down in his twenties in order to prioritize his career. Now that he’s made partner at the firm, it’s time for him to find his romantic partner.
“Now I’m in a position where I would like to build a life and it is tough out there. I don’t know if it’s just a DC thing,” he said.
Jon acknowledged that in Washington, it’s clear that networking and dating go hand-in-hand. But he also noted that it’s an easy and quick way to find out about who people really are and what their values are.
Still, he admits that he doesn’t know what it says about society that we’re at that point of jumping to conclusions based on political party affiliation.
Jon said he has found more women to date organically as of late, but is also on the dating apps. It’s something he said the younger version of himself likely wouldn’t have done because you have to be OK with rejection.
That rejection has come, he said. He’s been on dates where he was later told they were incompatible because he identifies with the right and voted for President Donald Trump once in 2020 (but not in 2016 or 2024). And while he said he is personally OK dating someone from either major political party, he noted that he has his own “red line.”
As a Jewish person, he attends Shabbat dinners to meet like-minded people and said that he wants to be with someone who believes in the right of the Jewish state to exist and was not protesting against Israel in the wake of the Oct. 7, 2023, attack.
“So, that’s my red line. And I get it, other people have other red lines, like if you’re pro-life or pro-choice,” he said.
Casey, a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, expressed a similar sentiment. She highlighted how a large group of alumni from Brigham Young University live in Crystal City, Virginia, just outside of Washington.
She’s 26, originally from Idaho and works for a Republican in the Senate, but largely says she’s not politically involved outside of work. Instead, her community is centered around her faith and the people she goes to church with. Casey said she is “very independent and very moderate” because she likes to keep an open mind.
“I don’t refuse to date someone just based on if they’re Republican or Democrat. I want to get to know them for who they are,” she said. “And you know, if we align with our morals and how we think the country should be governed and how we treat other people, then great.”
While Casey said she would like for a future partner to be in line with where she stands politically, it’s also important to her to find someone who is a Latter-day Saint.
“That’s where a lot of my lifestyle and my personal standards lie, and then within that, I’m open to dating wherever on the political spectrum,” she said. “But yeah, my hard line is I want to date someone with my same faith.”
Swiping away and the loss of authenticity
After many interviews, it seems that people know they are swiping left and right based on the “most curated version of ourselves.” Photos and captions are edited, cropped and shared to perfection on the dating apps.
Most everyone said that they would love to spark a conversation with someone at the grocery store or at a local restaurant. That organic, human connection is something that nearly everyone said they would enjoy or prefer over the dating apps. People then might be able to see that there’s a person who is normally hiding behind the screen and able to drop the labels of “liberal,” “moderate,” “conservative,” or “apolitical.”
“I enjoy sort of meeting people in person and sort of having that natural sort of connection, if you will, that I think it’s very hard to emulate that online … just by a function of it feeling all a little disconnected,” one source said.
Caroline, a 27-year-old who works for a conservative organization, said she uses her dog to generate interest when she’s out and about.
“I intentionally bring my dog anywhere I can bring my dog with me on a weekend,” she said. “I learned it gives someone a reason to approach you and come talk to you without it being as weird.”
Angela, a 29-year-old public schoolteacher, found her current boyfriend through an organic connection.
As a self-described introvert, she said the apps didn’t work for her, and she’d often forget to reply to matches. She met her current boyfriend through a friend and they slightly differ over some political views, but he was already vetted by them having a mutual friend so she was willing to test the waters. A year later, they’re still together.
“I was a little nervous at first, but since the beginning of our relationship, we approached it with respect and empathy in mind,” she said. “We try our best to talk things through, if someone says something that the other disagrees with.”
“And then when we talk through it, we kind of realize we have more overlaps than we thought,” she added.
Kasey said she’s tried to go to singles events and take advantage of the liveliness and activities in the city, but “meeting people in the wild is not real” and she hasn’t had much success.
“I feel like it’s super hard, it’s a city full of professionals and so anytime you go to an event, it’s almost like networking,” she said.
She noted that last fall, she redownloaded and recreated her account on Hinge. She pointed to New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani meeting his wife on Hinge and figured, “if they can find success, I can, too.”
Lexi Hamel agreed. She said she would really like to meet someone in person because it’s such a big city and there are a lot of opportunities, but “unfortunately none of the situations that I have found myself in have worked out.”
Steve Dixon, who grew up north of Salt Lake City, and works in finance in the surrounding D.C. area, has found most of his success dating out East to be through organic connection in his Latter-day Saint congregation. He said that he leans conservative on most issues, however, and has found it difficult to connect with some of the women who are a part of the church out here because most of them “lean a lot more left.”
“And I think I have seen that that can be an inhibitor,” he said.
Even if so many people are longing to find connection out and about, there’s a general disconnect and disenchantment that many singles express about dating. So, what can be done about it?
One woman has an idea: bringing back blind dates.
Lucy Nuñez said she has been single and actively dating for seven years, so “I’ve really been in these trenches.” A few years ago, she went to an arranged wedding, where the bride and groom were set up by family and friends.
“A few decades ago, you would hear people complain and say ‘every time I mention I’m single someone tries to set me up with their son or coworker or whatever,’ well, I would actually love to be set up with someone’s coworker,” Nuñez said.
“I think we lost the art of the set up partially because dating apps have become so popular and easy,” she said, noting that at 33, she’s seen them rise in popularity over the last 10 years. It was great for a while, Nuñez said, but it led to a lack of accountability or allowed people to mistreat others with no consequences.
“The standards of respect, etiquette, and accountability are getting lower and lower,” she said. “Now people are starting to get burned out from dating apps, but so many of us still long for that human connection. We long for romance, but it’s hard to meet people.”
So, she decided to set people up on blind dates, and she got hundreds of people in the D.C. area interested. She asked people about their hobbies, jobs, religious beliefs, political beliefs and what would be a deal breaker. She set up 12 dates and 6 of them turned into second dates.
Nuñez said the response “has been amazing” and she is going to continue finding singles in D.C. to “create a little whimsy and hope.”
Fulfillment in all life aspects delays dating timeline
While most of the singles interviewed for this piece have become disillusioned with the dating scene, many of them still do want to find a long-term relationship. But most say they’re not entirely in a rush to do so.
Cultural changes have pushed Millennials and Gen Z’ers to marry later, and in cities like Washington where careers are often the number one priority for those in their twenties and thirties, dating takes a back seat. And many say they’re not upset about it.
According to the 11th annual American Family Survey, conducted in part by the Deseret News last year, Americans are not rejecting marriage as an institution, but they don’t think it’s as important as they used to. The survey finds that more women than men say marriage as an institution is important.
There are a few reasons that could be the case, including that women don’t always see today’s men as marriage material, and women are outpacing their male peers in college enrollment, homeownership, and are able to have financial stability through their own careers.
The women interviewed for this story expressed similar sentiments.
“Upon moving here and knowing nobody, I thought sometimes it would be nice to have a boyfriend, but I’m at the point in my life where I’m really happy with my job, I’m really happy with my friends, my hobbies and the routines I have that I just don’t feel as panicked about it,” one source said. “I would want someone who fits into my life and I wouldn’t have to change things around.”
“Almost all my friends are single … like, it’ll happen when it happens,” she added. Another source agreed and said dating should “add to your life” and “certainly not detract.”
Lexi Hamel, the 25-year-old from St. George, who works on Capitol Hill, shared the same message, but noted that finding a partner is something she still wants eventually.
“I love what I do and I feel so blessed and excited about all the opportunities that I’ve had and will continue to have … I really am living out my independent D.C. girly dreams, if you will,” she said. “But I look around sometimes, and I know I do want a family in the future.”
“I think humans were designed to have companionship, that’s literally why we’re here on this Earth,” Hamel added.