Provo was visited by a president this past weekend — “Stool Presidente,” to be exact.
Dave Portnoy, owner and founder of Barstool Sports, was brought into town ahead of Saturday’s BYU-Utah showdown as an analyst on Fox’s “Big Noon Kickoff” pregame show.
Until a month ago, Portnoy had never stepped foot in the state of Utah, doing so for the first time when “Big Noon” came to Salt Lake City for the Utes’ clash with Texas Tech on Sept. 20.
But for his quick return trip to the Beehive State, Portnoy elected to focus on seeing what Utah Valley had to offer, fully immersing himself in the area’s culture as a result.
Here are some of the highlights from Portnoy’s weekend in Provo.
Trying Provo pizza
Portnoy has been doing online pizza review videos since 2013, traveling all across the country to sample the best — and worst — slices with the tagline “One bite, everyone knows the rules.”
Immediately after landing in Provo Thursday night, Portnoy began his quest for the city’s premier pizza, first stopping by Nico’s on Cougar Boulevard.
Portnoy rated Nico’s as a 7.4 out of a possible 10 — a solid score for the Provo local favorite.
“I like how it’s thin, I like how it’s crispy, it’s pretty tasty,” Portnoy said in his review. “It’s good — I don’t want to say average — it’s good average pizza, if that makes sense. You’ll never get tired of it. Quality, good ingredients."
Portnoy’s review brought a major spike in business for Nico’s, with Friday’s flood of customers resulting in the restaurant completely running out of pizza dough and needing to be closed on Saturday in order to make more.
Nico’s wasn’t the only pizza Portnoy tried in Provo. He also went to Fat Daddy’s on Center Street — the buzz around town is he gave it a 7.1 — along with Brick Oven near the BYU campus and Lucy’s in Orem, among others. As of Monday morning, the only review posted online thus far has been Nico’s.
Bookstore shopping
Whenever Portnoy visits colleges for “Big Noon,” he always ventures over to the campus bookstore to load up on merchandise and offer a review of the establishment.
During his trip to Salt Lake City, Portnoy said the University of Utah had “the best bookstore I’ve been in so far.”
But in true rivalry fashion, Cougar fans quickly insisted the BYU Store was superior. Once Portnoy came by on Friday morning, he found himself agreeing with the royal blue faithful.
Portnoy had given Utah’s bookstore a 9.2 out of 10. After shopping at the BYU Store, he awarded it an excellent 9.6 score.
“They got dinged a point because parking was impossible,” Portnoy said in his review, echoing the same complaint BYU students have had for years. “It was also hard to find ... so it started a little bit behind the 8-ball, however, they have everything.
“... It’s a gigantic store, they also have homemade fudge and these cinnamon gummies, they’re making ice cream downstairs, there’s a lot more going on.”
Portnoy ended up purchasing several hundred dollars worth of apparel, including from the store’s new Lululemon section.
And yes, he did go downstairs to check out the religious books and artwork, with a few BYU fans tagging along to help explain the significance of everything there.
Sweets and sugar
Pizza wasn’t the only thing Portnoy ate in Provo.
After the BYU Store, he headed to the famed Creamery on Ninth to try the ice cream there, which ended up garnering his most enthusiastic review of the trip.
“This is the most happening spot on campus, it’s an absolute mob scene to get ice cream at 1 o’clock on a Friday,” Portnoy said in his review. “I think this is what we’re learning, they can’t swear, (Latter-day Saints), that is, they can’t drink, no coffee, but they’ll go in on the sweets and the candy.”
Portnoy got a cone with a sizable scoop of cookies and cream on top — though he made the mistake of not getting one of the creamery’s specialty flavors such as Graham Canyon or Blue Goggles.
“This is great ice cream. This is great ice cream, and I am an ice cream guy,” Portnoy said. “This is spectacular ice cream ... No wonder there’s a line around the corner. Best campus ice cream I’ve ever had.”
But as much as Portnoy loved the BYU Creamery, the same can’t be said regarding his trip to Swig, which was perhaps the lowlight of his time in Provo.
Portnoy complained about waiting 20 minutes in the drive-thru line to order and admitted he had no idea what dirty soda was, resulting in him getting a Coca-Cola with coconut that he said “tastes just like a Coke,” as if there was nothing else special about it.
“I think I did Swig wrong ... I have no idea what a dirty drink is or what I’m supposed to do,” Portnoy said. “I’m a little disappointed in Swig, if we’re being honest.”
But despite the Swig snafu, Portnoy still appeared to truly enjoy his immersion in Provo. Maybe he’ll be back again someday for more.
“Provo’s doing it for me,” Portnoy said. “I don’t need to drink. I’ll eat!”