If someone had simply shuffled the pages of the screenplays for "Miracle on 34th Street" and "The Parent Trap," the result couldn't have resembled those films any more closely than "All I Want for Christmas."
In fact, maybe that's what screenwriters Thom Eberhardt ("Without a Clue") and Richard Kramer (TV's "thirtysomething") did.
The story, set during the holidays, focuses on two Manhattan youngsters, 13-year-old Ethan and 7-year-old Hallie (Ethan Randall, Thora Birch), whose parents (Harley Jane Kozak, Jamey Sheridan) are divorced.
All the kids want for Christmas is to have their folks reconcile, since they apparently still love each other and their reasons for divorcing are never adequately explained.
So, Hallie heads downtown and asks Santa Claus (Leslie Nielsen) to help get them back together. How does she know this particular Santa is the real thing when their are so many department-store doubles around? Simple, she explains — he's at Macy's.
Ethan is beside himself when Hallie asks for such a tall Christmas order but eventually decides to try and make it happen — the ultimate Christmas gift for his little sister.
Meanwhile, Mom is dating an unctuous jerk (Kevin Nealon) while she and the kids have moved in with her wealthy mother (Lauren Bacall). For some unexplained reason there is also a very pregnant Armenian woman (Andrea Martin) living with them (and you just know she'll give birth at an awkward climactic moment).
Despite the film's lack of originality, there are some real comic possibilities here. After all, how can a movie cast Leslie Nielsen as Santa, Lauren Bacall as a preening former Broadway star, former "SCTV" comic Andrea Martin as a thickly accented pregnant woman and "Saturday Night Live's" Kevin Nealon as a Wall Street nincompoop and not have any comic punch?
But that's the case, as the writers and TV/commercial director Robert Lieberman seem to have no clue as to how to use these talented comic actors.
And the lack of laughs will make it tougher for parents to overcome the story's contrivances and for kids to keep from getting restless.
As for the kids, Ethan Randall exaggerates and mugs in true sitcom style, much more so than he did in "Dutch" earlier this year, and Thora Birch's natural charm seems muted when compared to her performance in "Paradise."
As a G-rated family comedy-fantasy, "All I Want for Christmas" is certainly well-intentioned — if somewhat notorious. Hollywood was buzzing when this became the first film given the green-light by new Paramount chief Brandon Tartikoff, who came over from NBC and made put the film on a low budget and rapid shooting schedule similar to the way TV movies are made.
But the unfortunate result is a film that resembles a TV movie, one that will probably play better on video than it does on the big screen.
It is rated G. The only possibly offensive element is a nude painting in a museum.