Indulge me in an immodest moment.
I have just been inducted into the "International Association of People Who Dine Over the Kitchen Sink." This award goes on my ego wall with my other award: a 50 wpm typing certificate.The SINKIE club was founded by Norm Hankoff, Santa Rosa, Calif., who wanted to honor the SINKIES of the world - those pioneers who prefer refrigerator light to candlelight, those rare human beings who know the difference between fast food and REALLY fast food.
The idea for such a club came to Norm late one afternoon in 1991. He was standing at his kitchen sink scarfing down tuna salad, using extra-strength corrugated potato chips as utensils, when he had a vision that one day all those people who ate over the sink would come together. He would not only build a membership, he would put the logo on coffee mugs with captions such as: "Depressed? Don't go to the shrink! Go to the sink."
He would come out with sweatshirts and bumper stickers, and even publicize SINKIES' favorite dishes - Cakeless Frosting and Meat Loaf in Your Fist. He visualized a cookbook with such tasties as Crumbs on Thumbs and Sinkie Q (lighted match under tidbit on a toothpick).
He vowed to send a portion of the profits from these endeavors to charitable organizations devoted to the elimination of hunger in the world.
It's a great idea. People like me who eat over the sink know fully well that any calories in whatever you're eating disappear when they slide down your elbow and go into the drain. Yet we still sneak around to do it. It's taken some of the joy away. How can I possibly have a good time scraping the hardened coating that sticks to the fried chicken pan when someone is lurking around, waiting to draw an artery on the tablecloth for me and fill in the lines with black crayon?
My children, in fits of cruelty, have often described my eating habits as, "From Mom's mouth to the disposal."
It's just a dream, but maybe one day Norm will build a home for SINKIES (like the one for retired actors) with no kitchen . . . just a long line of sinks.
Those wishing to check out this organization may do so by writing SINKIE World Headquarters, 1579 Farmers Lane, No. 252, Santa Rosa, CA 95405. Norm isn't there. He's eating lunch over a sink somewhere - but he'll get back to you.
1992 Erma Bombeck
Distributed by Universal Press Syndicate