Arnold Schwarzenegger may be one of the most popular movie stars in America, but that doesn't mean he can act.
Schwarzenegger directed the made-for-cable remake of "Christmas in Connecticut," but that doesn't mean he can direct.Better keep making those action movies, Arnold. Your future behind the camera is very much in doubt.
Amateur is the word that best describes Schwarzenegger's direction. "Christmas" is muddled, stilted and disjointed, and full of odd camera angles - you'll see plenty of the backs of the actors heads
This version of "Christmas in Connecticut" reaches its nadir when one of the actors effects a Terminator-like pose with dark glasses. Apparently, it's supposed to be funny.
TNT bills the movie, which airs tonight at 6, 8 and 10 p.m., as a romantic comedy. Well, there isn't much in the way of romance, and frantic pacing substitutes for comedy.
Not that the failure of this remake is entirely Schwarzenegger's fault. It was a pretty lame-brained idea to begin with, and the script is something you might expect to see on the sitcom "Full House" - saccharine, silly and air-headed.
This time around, Dyan Cannon plays Elizabeth Blane, a famous TV-show cook who, of course, can't cook. She concocts a fictional family and charms American viewers with her personality.
Kris Kristofferson is Jefferson Jones, who instead of being a Naval hero, as in the original, is a park-ranger hero.
And Tony Curtis is Elizabeth's libidinous producer who concocts a plot to bring Jones on a special Christmas Day-edition of the show - complete with a fictional home and fictional family.
It's all incredibly lame and dull. And at times, it almost seems you have to have seen the original to know what's happening in this remake.
For example, in the original, Barbara Stanwyk practices most unsuccessfully to flip flapjacks, throwing them on the ceiling, the stove and on the real chef. Finally, when called upon to display her prowess, Stanwyck surprises herself by closing her eyes and flipping the flapjack perfectly.
In the remake, without any setup Cannon is called upon to flip a flapjack, and it's a big deal when she succeeds.
It almost makes you wonder if Schwarzenegger understood how the original scene worked.
The talented Cannon does her best, and her bubbly performance is by far the best thing about this remake.
Unfortunately, she gets no help from Kristofferson, whose performance is so wooden he's almost treelike, and Curtis, who careens around like a blithering idiot.
There's also not much help from the supporting cast, but without a decent script or a decent director, what can you expect?
And that's not even mentioning the questionable timing of this movie's premiere. TNT is airing "Christmas in Connecticut" in April.
The original wasn't the greatest movie ever made, but it had a certain charm. And it continues to air every time the holiday season rolls around.
This remake isn't the worst movie ever made, but it's certainly one of the worst made-for-TNT movies in quite some time. And it will quickly - and mercifully - be forgotten.