Dear Abby: I am a 70-year-old widow who lives alone. About 11:15 one evening, I was awakened suddenly by the sound of someone tampering with my front doorknob. I went to the door very quietly and discovered that both locks were opened, so I quickly relocked them, ran to the phone and dialed 911.
The operator told me not to hang up. I went back to the door (a big mistake), and a tall figure entered and grabbed me!Petrified with fear, I let out a scream, then a male voice said, "It's all right, Grandma . . . it's me, Larry - your grandson!" I was so relieved. He knew where to find my outside house key, which I keep hidden in a special place in case I lock myself out. I immediately informed the 911 operator that I was safe, and after many questions, she was convinced.
Larry is 15. He's a fine boy and a talented athlete. He apologized for frightening me and explained that he was in the neighborhood and wanted to pick up his duffle bag containing his sweat suit and gym suit. (He had spent the night with me the week before.)
Larry begged me not to tell his father, who is my son. So far, I haven't told. Maybe I should mention I am in not in the best of health and such a surprise could have given me a heart attack. Also, he could have telephoned me during the day - or even before he came over. Did I do the right thing in not telling his father?
- Guilty Conscience
Dear Guilty: Your grandson committed no crime; he thoughtlessly came to your home without calling first - at a very late hour.
Telling his father would serve no good purpose. Also, hiding a house key is not a very good idea. Most burglars know where to find house keys "hidden" outside.
Dear Abby: My mother told a friend that her son and his wife were expecting their first child. The friend said, "Oh, how nice - your first grandchild!" Innocent enough, except my parents already have a grandchild - he is my son, whom we adopted as an infant.
My mother was furious. She asked the person, politely, "Have you forgotten Alex?" (not his real name), to which he replied, "Well, no, but this one is a real grandchild - you know, a blood relative."
Abby, you would not believe the questions some people ask about adopted children. For the uninitiated, here are few tips:
1. Don't make remarks or ask questions about his "real" parents. His adopted family are his "real" parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.
2. Don't ask why his parents didn't want him - especially not in front of the child. They may have wanted him very much but allowed him to be adopted for very personal reasons.
3. Don't ask how much he "cost" us. (Believe it or not, I have been asked this several times.) He cost us nothing. We did, however, pay our attorney, his birth parent's attorney, some medical bills and the agency fees. But don't ask me how much - it's tacky.
4. If you are a schoolteacher, don't ask your students to do a "family tree." Chances are, there is an adopted child in your class - or ones from divorced or blended families.
5. Don't ask me who our son looks like. How should we know?
- "A Real Mother," Cherry Hills, N.J.