Dear Abby: I was 61 when I learned that I had been adopted as an infant by a couple who gave me a wonderful home.
When I contacted my birth mother, who was 86 at the time, her first response was, "I am not the person you are looking for!" Her family had never known that she had given up a baby for adoption. I had been taken from her as an infant because she was unmarried and, in those days, her parents would not have allowed her to bring her baby to their home because it would have "besmirched the family name."Shortly after she was contacted, she said she wanted to see me. That first meeting was traumatic for both of us. You see, I was born on her birthday - so yes, she thought of me often. The end result is that I consider myself a very fortunate person, and this very dear birth mother has taken nothing away from my loving adopted family.
My advice to "Just Another Adopted Kid" is to make an effort to locate your birth family. Consult a lawyer and be prepared for a long search, and also be prepared to find out that the birth family may not be all that you had hoped for.
And to all those birth mothers who have decided that they want no contact, please reconsider. You were wonderful to have made the decision to give us a better life than you could provide at the time. Now, please give us the rest of the story.
You may use my name.
- Betty Bergstrom,
Portland, Ore.
Dear Abby: To the birth mother who stated that she had no desire to be found: Please write an open letter to your birth child to let him/her know that you do not want to be found and have it placed on file at the adoption agency or with the lawyer's office who handled the adoption.
I'd rather find such a letter than to forever wonder if a reunion is possible. You don't OWE it to your child, but it's the kind thing to do.
- Deborah A., San Diego
Dear Abby: I am a 15-year-old girl. Last summer, during a heat spell, I decided to sleep in the nude. That was the first time I was able to sleep soundly and comfortably on a hot summer night. Sleeping in the nude proved so comfortable that as the weather got colder, I just added an extra blanket or two and I was plenty warm.
My problem is my mom. She found out I was sleeping in the nude by asking why there were no nightgowns in the laundry. When I told her, she went ballistic! She insists that sleeping in the nude is immoral and immodest.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I cannot fathom how sleeping in the nude is immoral or immodest. Using my mom's logic, taking a bath or a shower in the nude is indecent. Please help me. Maybe she will listen to you.
- Nude Sleeper
in San Francisco
Dear Nude Sleeper: Tell your mom that Abby said sleeping in the nude is neither immoral nor indecent. (I suggest you keep a robe handy in case of fire, earthquake or a quick trip to the bathroom.)
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1993 Universal Press Syndicate