It's probably just as well that they came and picked up the 1994 Suzuki Swift I've been driving this past week. I was having so much fun thrashing the Salt Lake byways in the aptly named Swift that there just had to be a speeding ticket out there somewhere with my name on it.
Which is odd, because playing boy racer was the furthest thing from my mind when I first climbed in the little "Quasar Blue" three-door hatchback.Coming off a recent string of expensive and powerful machines that included the new Dodge Ram V8, BMW 540i, Cadillac Eldorado and Infiniti Q45 - just to drop a few upscale names - I was feeling a bit uppity as I stood and appraised the Swift - perhaps the only car in the world that can make a Honda Civic look like a luxury cruiser.
So much for the state of the art in automobiles, I thought. Time for a nice boring dose of mega-reality puttering around in a gas-sipping econobox - a Geo Metro with a different name grafted on.
Well, no. The Suzuki Swift and Geo Metro could pass for twins - both are made in the same plant in one of those joint-venture deals between Suzuki Motor Corp. and General Motors. But there is one crucial difference: the Suzuki Swift is propelled by a 1.3 liter SOHC four-cylinder while the Geo Metro Xfi is motivated by a 1.0 liter three-cylinder.
Doesn't sound like much, does it? One more cylinder, three silly tenths of a liter more displacement. But those three tenths allow the Swift to produce 70 hp at 6,000 rpm. vs. the Metro's 49 hp at 5,700 rp.m. Suzy's torque is 74 foot-pounds at 3,500 rpm against Metro's 58 foot-pounds at 3,300. The Swift's wheels are also an inch bigger - 13 vs. 12 - and so are the tires, P155/70R13 vs. P145/80R12.
So little difference, so much more fun.
I should also tell you that the Swift I tested had an automatic transmission. Usually, this would not be good. A little econocar should have a five-speed manual to assure that not even a tiny bit of precious power is lost in the swirling juices of an auto shifter.
Inexplicably, the Swift's slush box just seemed to boost the fun quotient. Shift points are so quick and predictable that a few times I caught myself laughing out loud as I milked the gas pedal up and down, lunging and thrusting, the Suzy responding like . . . well, like a motorcycle.
It had never occurred to me before to equate a car with a motorcycle, but Suzuki was a cycle company long before it began building cars, and that heritage is alive in the Swift. Blasting along a twisty road last week, the engine on the boil, tires scrubbing at the shoulder, a big grin on my face as I milked that throttle, I realized I was leaning into the turns like I used to on my old Yamaha 175.
In traffic, the simile is also apt. The Swift is so tiny and yet so quick that you can easily insert it into little openings in traffic that are closed to larger, more sluggish rides.
I think Suzuki might have a neat advertising gimmick here if they want to use it: Suzuki Swift, the four-wheeled motorcycle. Air conditioning optional.
Well, maybe not. But for those whose car budget is limited, here's what Miss Suzy Swift has to offer: a pocket-rocket engine that delivers 29 mpg city and 34 highway; a stealthmobile that looks perfectly innocent to public servants who are keeping their eyes peeled for Corvettes, TransAms and other known offenders; a practical car that can can haul four adults in enclosed comfort; a baby station wagon that, with the back seat lowered, can haul a surprising amount of stuff.
Sounds intriguing, doesn't it?
Let's talk about price. You readers have chastised me in the past for telling you how great some car is that cost more than your first three houses put together. Can't anyone build a fun car for under 10 grand?
They can and they have. Sticker price for my Swift, including destination charges, was $8,464. Added to that was $850 for air conditioning (Honda is now charging $1,100 for AC) and $199.50 for a stereo cassette (very reasonable.) That brought the total tab to $9,513.50. (Bargain hard and I'll bet you can get the dealer to knock off that half-dollar.)
Is this a deal or what? A sub-10K car that's more fun to drive than a Lagoon Dodgem, gets good gas mileage and has a lot of utility to boot.
Does this mean I've found the perfect car? Heck, no. Fit and finish is only average or below and the interior is not going to win any design awards. There are no air bags or "passive restraints" of any kind, and for some reason the ventilation system was unable to keep the side windows from fogging.
No, if you're looking for high quality, status and luxury you won't like the Swift (although it has long been my view that spirited performance is the biggest luxury of all in a car.)
Worst of all is the steering wheel, a thin, insubstantial thing (the image of a chicken bone comes to mind) that seemed totally out of character as the main connecting link between the driver and the Swift's go-kart-like drivetrain.
If I were to buy a Swift, I would spend an extra hundred bucks to get a nice, thick, leather-wrapped, aftermarket steering wheel that would complete the illusion that I was driving a little Porsche Speedster that just happens to look like a Geo Metro.
After all, motorcycle handlebars probably wouldn't make it past the safety inspection.