Dear Miss Manners: Hoping to get an early start before the crowds, I went on weekday mornings to my local indoor shopping mall, figuring I'd enjoy browsing for ideas for Christmas presents.
Wrong! After trying for three days, I had to give it up. The problem was the salespeople."HI! HOW ARE YOU?" they would call.
Each time I thought I'd run into a long lost friend. No, it was just the forced friendliness of the saleswoman.
"Fine, thank you," I replied, a bit startled and repulsed by her artificiality. Why is she asking me how I am? "Good morning" would suffice.
Others bombarded me with more greetings and questions. "Are you finding what you want?" shouted a salesman as he walked briskly by. I turned and saw that he was watching me over his shoulder, waiting for a reply.
"I'm just looking," I called out, for now he was at the other end of the store.
"How are we doing today?" demanded salesperson number three, zooming in on me.
It took the combined sales force approximately three minutes to drive me out of the store. I experienced a similar onslaught of excessive attention in virtually every shop. I felt angry that these salespeople ruined what I had looked forward to as a quiet, leisurely shopping expedition.
Gentle Reader: Now that the Christmas shopping season is getting under way, Miss Manners thought your problems might be of amusement to those who have been looking hysterically for someone to please find or sell them something so that they can be on their way.
Ordinarily, Miss Manners can be counted upon to argue in favor of less pseudo-friendliness and more professional demeanor in business, including the customer-salesperson relationship. But that would be when the job itself goes undone because helpfulness has been abandoned in favor of intrusive and time-consuming chumminess.
But as far as she can determine, you are angry at these people for doing their job, which is to greet customers (not only to be pleasant but to identify themselves) and to find out if they can be of assistance. Browsing is all very well, but if you want a place where you can look at pretty things while remaining isolated in your own thoughts, Miss Manners suggests that you try a museum.
Also, you are a bit free with that charge of artificiality. Most pleasantries are artificial, in that they show more interest and consideration than is actually felt - and a good thing that is, too, considering the way many people actually feel.
Besides, "How are you?" even in its present form of "How ya doin'?" is not an investigation of your actual state but a mere convention for expressing good will. Please reconsider your desire to stamp out these pitifully few remaining traces of goodwill.
Dear Miss Manners: My boyfriend insists that when we are having company (unless it's a picnic), a spoon is to be set, along with whatever other flatware is needed, even when there is nothing being served that requires a spoon.
The dinner in question consisted of green salad, grilled halibut, wild rice and bread.
In addition, he felt that bread plates weren't necessary, as that created too many dishes on the table, in addition to dinner and salad plates.
Gentle Reader: Miss Manners appreciates the interest that both of you take in the properly set table, and the opportunity she has to side graciously with both of you.
She is with you on the spoon. Contrary to popular fears, table settings are not tricks to humiliate people who can't see a relationship between the flatware and the food. The two are directly connected; what is set out is there to be used and is even placed (outside to inside) in order of use.
A spoon is not set out unless it is needed - for grapefruit at breakfast, for example, or soup at dinner. A dessertspoon would be placed above the plate parallel to the table's edge. (Which reminds Miss Manners - you didn't have any dessert, did you? Are all your friends on diets?)
However, she is with the gentleman in thinking that three plates for each person would make the table look like a china shop. Bread can always be placed on the edge of the main plate or on the tablecloth (yes, surprisingly enough - as long as there is no butter involved to make grease stains). Or you could serve the salad as a separate course.
Feeling incorrect? Address your etiquette questions (in black or blue-black ink on white writing paper) to Miss Manners, in care of the Deseret News, P.O. Box 1257, Salt Lake City, UT 84110. The quill shortage prevents Miss Manners from answering questions except through this column.
1993 United Feature Syndicate Inc.