Charles Barkley says his back never stops hurting. He just stopped talking about it for a while.
After he had 20 points, 10 rebounds and seven turnovers in a 116-109 victory over the Los Angeles Clippers, Barkley described the pain in his legs as "kind of like a bed of glass, and you're walking on it."The seven-time All Star said he has a daily struggle with the desire to retire immediately.
"I've thought about every scenario," he said after the game Saturday night. "I've thought about sitting out a week. I've thought about having surgery right now. I've even thought about not playing at all. I just can't get the words out."
He said he spoke with Larry Bird, who was forced out of basketball by a bad back, the previous week.
"He said that I should give it up," Barkley said. "But I don't think he meant right now. I think he meant at the end of the season, because he said that everything he went through was what I'm going through right now, and it only gets worse."
In his first year with the Suns, Barkley led the team to the finals for the first time since 1976 before the Michael Jordan-led Chicago Bulls ended the run in six games. He also won the regular-season MVP award.
In August, however, tests found a bulging disk in Barkley's back, and the problem was sprung on the world Oct. 9, when Barkley collapsed during wind sprints at training camp.
A battery of tests found no nerve injury but detected thickening of "tissue and ligament around the nerve canal," which can put pressure on nearby nerves.
Barkley returned to camp, but said he was almost certain to retire in 1994. After the 82-game schedule began, his words took on greater finality.
He said Saturday he began pondering early retirement after a hard fall in a Nov. 9 game against the Clippers.
"I was dying the next morning. And then some other team we played - it was two real physical back-to-back games - and I just felt like, `Man, this is crazy. You sit in a whirlpool for hours to get ready to play basketball.' That's not the way it should be," Barkley said.
Barkley, 30, has also pulled his left hamstring and right groin.
Nevertheless, he remains among the NBA leaders in scoring (25.5) and rebounding (12.6), and he recognizes his importance to the Suns, who won 62 games last season but were 1-5 without him.
The solution may be to sit out certain games, he said.
Coach Paul Westphal said he would go along with that.
"He hasn't really expressed that need to me," Westphal said. "He's such a warrior - he just wants to play all the time - but if that's what we need to do, we'll do that. He's an unbelievable competitor; he's having an MVP-caliber season despite the pain."
But Barkley said he won't skip road games, because "you need all your players on the road."
Missing home games isn't Barkley's cup of tea, either, not in a city where he's adored as the figurehead of the wildly popular team.
Barkley said the idea that he's mortal takes the fun out of the game.
"Every time you take a step it hurts, every time you go to jump it hurts, every time you want to do something, you can't do it," Barkley said. "You're like, `I want to do it.' And then when you do, it feels like a little slower, and it's too late, because basketball is a fast game."