Dear Abby: My stepson has been staying with us for five months. He never helps with any work around the house. He never cleans up after himself and is rude to his mother. He is on his fourth job, always has money for beer and cigarettes but has never contributed one dime toward his support. This "boy" is 21 years old.
My own son has also been staying here for four months. He also never helps with any of the housework. He doesn't pick up after himself or even make his own bed. He is on his third job and has sent most of the money he has made to his mother. He says he owes her. He has contributed a total of $75 to his support. This boy is also 21 years old.Abby, we eat beans two or three times a week in order to cope with their voracious appetites. I think we should throw the bums out. What do you think?
- Bobsledding to the Poorhouse
in Minnesota
Dear Bobsledding: At 21, your "boys" are now men, and part of being a man is accepting responsibility for one's own upkeep. However, before you and your wife change the rules, it is imperative that you have a clear and firm agreement between you regarding what would be a fair contribution from "the boys."
Suggestion: Do it in stages, so they will know what is expected of them now - and why - and what more will be expected in six months or so. It will be less traumatic than a sudden "sink or swim" edict. And please don't label them as "bums." If they have never been expected to contribute to the household, it's not their fault.
Dear Abby: I am an incest survivor. I have been married for almost nine years and have two beautiful daughters, ages 8 and 6. Their father parades around naked in front of the girls. I don't mean in his underwear; I mean in his birthday suit!
When I ask him to please cover himself in front of the girls, he gets angry, blows up at me and accuses me of thinking he is some kind of pervert. Well, I am beginning to wonder if maybe he is.
Even though I see no signs of abuse with my girls, I don't feel comfortable leaving them alone with him.
Are my feelings justified? Or am I reading more into this than I should? I am only trying to protect my daughters from the terrible experience I had as a child.
- Their Mother
Dear Mother: Your husband should not "parade" around naked in front of his daughters. Since you feel uncomfortable leaving them with him, you are very wise not to do so.
I recommend family counseling for both you and your husband.
Dear Abby: This is for the man who has a terrible time waking up in the morning to go to work. If he doesn't have a sleep disorder (as you suggested he investigate), he might be interested in knowing about a device, intended for deaf people, which can be connected to his alarm clock. All you have to do is set the alarm clock for the time you want to get up and it shakes the dickens out of the bed!
- Sleepyhead in Taylor, Mich.
Dear Sleepyhead: Please send more information on the abovementioned "device" - it could be very useful for sound sleepers.
Chuckle for the day: When an obviously happily married couple were asked to what they owed their successful marriage of 30 years, the husband replied, "We dine out twice a week - candlelight, violins, champagne, the works!
"HER night is Tuesday; MINE is Thursday."