My husband entered the kitchen last night so laden with packages he could barely balance them. His eyes were glistening with the excitement of a man who has found just the right gift at just the right price. He was clearly pleased with himself.
Before you get too choked up by a man so organized, I should tell you that every package was a gift to himself. During the year he never sets foot in a department store. When he finally does, he cannot resist buying all the things he has put off buying during the last year.In just three hours of shopping, he goes from a man in need of everything to a father and husband who has it all.
I won't come right out and say he's a man difficult to buy for. I will only tell you that every time we give him a gift, we leave all the tags on, the sales slip between the tissue and draw directions on how to get to the store where we bought it.
At the time of purchase, we tell the salesperson, "Don't make a big deal saying goodbye to this bathrobe. You're going to say hello to it two days after Christmas."
It is my feeling that in all these years, he has never gotten a clear grasp of what Christmas is all about.
I told him, "This is the season of giving to brighten someone else's holiday."
"Exactly," he says, "and who knows better how to brighten mine than me? How many times have I said I only wear striped ties? Every year I get one that glows in the dark, is battery-driven or is some psychedelic thing that looks like someone just threw up on it."
"You have to learn to be more gracious."
"I'm too practical to be gracious," he said. "The kids buy me a motorized gismo to hold my two belts, or silk pajamas that I freeze to death in. I've got enough cute coffee mugs to drink from a different one each day for the next three years. I need underwear."
"What about the camcorder I bought you?"
"That's like buying roller skates for Tiny Tim. I don't know anything about picture taking."
I watched him as he displayed his purchases on the dining room table - packages of underwear and T-shirts, a few dress shirts, a sweater, a billfold and a pair of bedroom slippers.
He leaves me no choice. I'll get him a pneumonia shot for Christmas. It fits his guidelines. It's practical and he'll remember it for a long time.