Dear Abby: I'm a 14-year-old virgin, and I have a problem. I'm in love and want to have sex with my boyfriend - he's 17 - but I'm scared of getting pregnant. (My mother put me on birth control, and said that she "trusted" me, but I know that some girls have gotten pregnant even when they took the pill.)
Abby, I don't want to end up with a child at my age, but I love him so much it's hard to say no. What should I do?- Scared in Victoria, Texas
Dear Scared: Please say NO. What you do now will influence how you feel about yourself and future relationships for the rest of your life. Read on to see how a 17-year-old girl feels about waiting for sex - and notice that I support her decision:
Dear Abby: A fellow I had recently met was attempting to "figure me out." He looked me over, then said, "Well, you definitely don't look `easy' and you're too old and too pretty to be a virgin, unless you're waiting for marriage or something stupid like that . . ."!
I was sickened. I am 17 years old. I graduated from high school early and I am now enrolled in college. I have had several boyfriends and plenty of dates, and get this: I am a virgin. I'm not ugly and I'm no prude. I have had more opportunities than I can count.
I am not necessarily "waiting for marriage." I am waiting for the right man - someone who deserves the gift a girl can give only once. Although I am proud to be a virgin, it is not something that I care to broadcast, so if you publish this, please don't use my name. I don't want to be commended - just respected.
- Waiting for the Right Man
in Massapequa, N.Y.
Dear Waiting: You are a very wise young woman. Thank you for a letter that may inspire other young women to be in no hurry to give the gift that can be given only once.
Dear Abby: I have a suggestion for your readers. When calling unexpectedly at someone's home, do not be too persistent when ringing the doorbell. Just because you know someone is there, do not assume that she hasn't heard you if she doesn't answer the door. It is not always possible for a person to answer the door when it rings unexpectedly.
I came home today to some upsetting news and was on "hold" on an urgent long-distance call when someone rang my doorbell. When the ringing persisted, and I heard someone banging on my front door, I feared it was some kind of emergency, so I dropped the phone and ran to the other end of the apartment and down the stairs to answer the door.
Well, it turned out to be a kindly gentleman from the church I had just joined - he was delivering a calendar! I ended up snapping at him, and for that I feel terrible.
Unless it is extremely urgent, or you know the doorbell doesn't work, or the person is hard of hearing, it's better to err on the side of caution. Ring once or twice, then wait. If there is no answer, come back another time.
Thanks for all the good you have done in the world.
- Rebecca P. in Albany, N.Y.
Confidential: To those who read me faithfully, occasionally or rarely: Have a Merry Christmas. If you're drinking, please don't drive. And if you're driving, please don't drink.
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1993 Universal Press Syndicate