Predicting what will happen next year in the world of sports isn't easy.
Granted, it's not nearly as daunting as landing a paraglider in the middle of a heavyweight title fight - something no one could have foreseen. And better still, in the predicting game, you don't get beat for missing the mark - even by a little.If that were so, there would be no predictions for 1994. Of the 16 made in this space last year, only three turned out to be correct. But they were big ones.
Barry Bonds did report to spring training on time. And the Chicago Bulls did three-peat as NBA champions. And the most important one, the prediction about disavowing knowledge of all those predictions that turned out to be wrong?
I did that. Which is why I can do it again.
Jan. 1 - Notre Dame wins the national championship. The Irish humble Texas A&M 63-0 in the Cotton Bowl, then invoke a little-known clause in their exclusive TV contract with NBC, blocking the network from showing the Orange Bowl. Nebraska and Florida State refuse to go on. The authors of "Under The Tarnished Dome" add a chapter, reissue the book and get the best-seller they missed on the first go-round.
Jan. 30 - Buffalo wins the Super Bowl 27-21 over Dallas when the Cowboys' Leon Lett, being chased by the Bill's Don Beebe after picking up a fumble, runs 78 yards to the end zone on the last play. Unfortunately, it's the wrong end zone.
Jan. 30 - Monica Seles returns to tennis at the Australian Open. Her game doesn't show any rust. She doesn't grunt. She doesn't lose a game. The women who spent most of last year saying how much they missed her take up a collection and buy her a cruise to sail around the world. Twice.
Feb. 27 - Notre Dame, after getting dumped by NBC, signs an exclusive TV contract with CBS. Invoking a little-known clause in the new deal, the Irish enter the Winter Olympics. Training in secret in South Bend, Ind., under the watchful eyes of former East German sports scientists, they win golds in everything from luge to ice dancing. The authors of "Under The Tarnished Dome" add a chapter, etc.
April 4 - Michigan holds off Indiana 74-71 to win the NCAA basketball tournament when, in the final seconds, Pat Knight calls a timeout his team doesn't have. His father, Bob, puts an arm around his son afterward, tells reporters it could happen to anyone and hikes Pat's allowance to $5 a week.
April 10 - A foreign-born golfer wins the Masters. Which one? Whichever one winds up in the final-day pairing with Chip Beck.
May 29 - David Letterman, back home in Indiana, announces he is jumping from CBS to ABC. He new network shows him winning the Indy 500, though Letterman never actually gets near a race car. Though he doesn't drive in the race either, Brit Nigel Mansel claims he is injured during the race.
June 19 - David Letterman adds the U.S. Open golf title without hitting a shot.
July 3 - Andre Agassi lifts up his shirt during a changeover at the Wimbledon final against Croatian Goran Ivanisevic to reveal a newly hirsute chest. Caught up in the spirit of the thing, Ivanisevic drops his shorts and is promptly escorted off the court to the local lockup.
July 17 - South Korea, the longest shot in the field, wins the World Cup soccer final over Bolivia. No one in the host country notices.
Aug. 28 - Once again playing Ivanisevic, Agassi lifts up his shirt during a changeover at the final of the International Championship of Croatia. This time, Agassi goes to the lockup.
Sept. 4 - O.J. Simpson works the sideline and Bart Simpson is in the booth as Fox broadcasts its first-ever NFL contest. John Madden drops by to hype his latest assignment as the new kid on "90210."
Oct. 4 - Disappointed by even-lower-than-anticipated ratings during the regular season, major league baseball invokes a little-known clause in its TV contract with itself and expands the playoff to include all 28 teams, plus newcomer Notre Dame.
Nov. 4 - Michael Jordan returns for the start of the NBA season. Everyone else retires.
Dec. 31 - As always, I disavow any knowledge of the above.