My guess is that Arnold Schwarzenegger is used to having everything both ways: He espouses health and exercise but always seems to be puffing on a huge stogie; he is worshiped by kids but makes hard R-rated movies that are ultra-violent; and he both spoofs and defends his own image, sometimes within the context of one film.
His latest, "Last Action Hero" is the ultimate double standard, an off-the-wall spoof of screen violence and dull movie cliches, which also embraces both the violence and the cliches.
The mix is occasionally jarring and always uncomfortable. It's as if the "Rambo" spoof in "Hot Shots! Part Deux" had starred Sylvester Stallone instead of Charlie Sheen.
Here, Schwarzenegger is a fictional movie character — is there any other kind? — named Jack Slater. And his latest big-screen adventure is "Jack Slater IV," a combination of James Bond, Dirty Harry and the "Terminator" flicks.
"Last Action Hero" opens with the climax of "Jack Slater III," then shifts to the inside of an old sub-run theater, where the sequel is being watched by a young boy named Danny (newcomer Austin O'Brien), who has skipped school to see his idol for the umpteenth time.
Afterward, the old projectionist (Robert Prosky) tells Danny he's going to be screening the latest Jack Slater flick that night at midnight (which seems unlikely if this is a second or third-run "dollar house" theater).
Danny goes home and is chewed out by his mother (Mercedes Ruehl) for skipping school to go to the movies again. And that night, as she goes out to work, Danny is accosted by a punk thief who handcuffs him to the bathroom.
After giving police a statement, he is told to walk home (at midnight the police don't drive him home?) but instead goes back to the theater. There, the projectionist gives Danny a magic ticket (once owned by Houdini) and it somehow transports him into this new Jack Slater picture. And, for the next hour or so, between car chases, explosions and flying bodies, Danny tries to explain to Slater that he's just a fictional movie character, a la "The Purple Rose of Cairo."
Eventually, however, the chief villain (Charles Dance) catches on, steals the ticket and crosses over to the real world. So, Slater andDanny must also cross over and save the day.
Along the way, there are spoofs of many other films and sidelong glances at even more, so that movie buffs will have a field day spotting gags and cameo star appearances — Tina Turner, Chevy Chase, James Belushi, etc. (My favorite gag involves Schwarzenegger's own "Terminator" persona in a Blockbuster Video store.)
Many of these moments are very funny, and a few are downright hilarious. But after a time the film is guilty of the very things it is making jokes about — high body count, low scatological humor, grating rock music, over-the-top explosions, etc.
Typical of this excess is how many of the early jokes are later undermined by the film itself. For example, at one point Danny writes a word on a piece of paper and holds it up to Slater and says, "Say this word." When Slater balks, Danny says, "See? You can't. Because this is a PG-13 movie!" But toward the end of the film, Slater's chief does say the word!
But in terms of sheer moviemaking, the biggest calculated error here is that Schwarzenegger, his director John McTiernan ("Die Hard" and "Predator") and screenwriters Shane Black ("Lethal Weapon," "The Last Boy Scout") and David Arnott ("The Adventures of Ford Fairlane") don't have the courage of their convictions. If this is intended as a "Hot Shots!"-style spoof, then the film should be willing to go for it, at a rapid pace. But "Last Action Hero" is too slow, too long and far too pleased with itself.
The question is whether audiences will be equally pleased. I suspect not.
"Last Action Hero" is rated a rather soft PG-13, considering all the mayhem, however bloodless. There is also profanity, vulgarity and a scene showing a roomful of women who are rather scantily clad.