In the spirit of the season, I've come up with a few suggested New Year's resolutions for people involved with or living under a local government. I'm sure they'll be treated with as much respect as any other resolutions.
Salt Lake Mayor Deedee Corradini: Resolve to avoid any more ventures into the sports world.More than two years ago, she hit on the bright idea of solving part of the city's budget problem by raising golf greens fees and using them to fund other recreation programs. But the golf fund quickly became as useful as a thin rubber easel - unable to support itself, let alone anything else.
Later, she risked a great deal of her political fortunes on constructing Franklin Quest Field, a state-of-the-art minor-league baseball stadium, and on attracting a triple-A baseball team.
The stadium became the goose that laid golden eggs. However, rather than collecting the gold, the city was left with yolk on its face.
Arguably, the stadium was the biggest sports success story of the year, given record attendance levels. But baseball tickets don't necessarily translate into votes, especially when the team's lease agreement doesn't come close to covering the city's maintenance costs.
Good drivers: Resolve to be extra careful when driving through Salt Lake City. Police there no longer will take the time to investigate fender-bender accidents. Chief Ruben Ortega said he needs his officers for more important things.
Bad drivers: Resolve to drive only in Salt Lake City. Not only will the cops not investigate fender-benders, they also won't issue citations or determine who was at fault.
Salt Lake City Library Board: Resolve to find an artist who knows how to draw clothes.
Salt Lake County Democrats: Resolve to enroll in college or vocational classes and train themselves for new careers. After inauguration day in January, only two Democratic safe havens will remain in the county - the offices of Commissioner Randy Horiuchi and Clerk Sherrie Swensen.
Horiuchi and Swensen: Resolve to practice smiling and saying to their Republican colleagues, "OK, guys, whatever you want."
Riverton officials: Resolve to invest city funds in stone, stucco and brick futures. During the year, the City Council voted to require builders to use at least 50 percent of one of those items on the first-floor facades of all new homes. Aluminum, which is cheesy (and, coincidentally, affordable and durable) can't appear until the second floor.
None of you folks happened to use aluminum Christmas trees, did you?
County assessors statewide: Resolve to buy a good calculator and an extra thick suit of armor. The calculator is for figuring home values under the state Tax Commission's recent edict to raise them. In Salt Lake County, for instance, taxable values will rise by between 22 percent and 27 percent.
The armor is for protection once homeowners get their tax bills.
Patrons at the Rio Grande Cafe: Resolve to cross streets only at marked crosswalks. Several of them received jaywalking tickets this year as part of a police effort to use any and all means to roust vagrants who hang out in the neighborhood.
If they can't avoid the urge to cross illegally, diners should at least leave their I.D. at home. That way, like the vagrants, they probably won't have to pay.
Happy New Year, everyone.