She's tiny, almost fragile; the skirt of her white linen suit doubled over at the waist because it's too big. She has soft, blond hair and a shiny new face. It's not the face she used to have before her husband's Beechcraft Bonanza plane crashed into a Fillmore mountainside. It's a face that doctors have crafted for her in more than 100 operations.
Inside this petite frame is housed a gigantic spirit - a woman who could will herself to live after watching flames devour every inch of her not covered by her LDS temple garments. A woman who could demand that God help her, and then apologetically, softly call down the powers of heaven with clarity though her tongue was swollen and there were no longer lips to frame the words.ReNelle Wallace followed her husband, Terry, in his unerring march off the mountain to a highway - walking five miles on a snowy October day on her horribly burned feet. Her head had swollen out on either side to her shoulders and burned skin hung down from her hands. In the hospital, when doctors said she couldn't survive and told relatives to start signing organ donor cards, Wallace raised an arm and started tracing letters in the air. "I-A-M-D-Y-I-N-G . . . ," she signaled. When a horrified nurse protested and told her she was going to live, Wallace signed again, "N-O-I-A-M-D-Y-I-N-GF-O-R-A-C-O-K-E . . . D-I-E-T."
Wallace's accident happened in 1985. The first time she publicly spoke about the terrifying plane crash where she was burned on more than 75 percent of her body was to Deseret News reporter Elaine Jarvik in June 1992. Now there is a book, "The Burning Within," written with Curtis Taylor (Gold Leaf Press, 1994, $16.95).
On a publicity tour through the Western United States, Wallace stopped at the Deseret News for an interview. Asked how she managed to walk off the mountain when she was in shock and literally felt her life slipping away, Wallace said, "The drive was for my children. Every footstep was for my kids."
Still able to laugh about the moment in the hospital when she tried to let emergency personnel know not to give up on her, Wallace said, "The doctors were concerned that I'd had serious brain damage from the swelling in my brain. They were talking so morbidly so I kind of wanted to lighten the moment and at the same time let them know I was OK."
Wallace's book has a symphony of themes besides a near-death experience one would expect as the major idea. "The near-death experience is one small chapter in the book," she said. She thought long and hard about sharing her experience of leaving this life. "So many beautiful things happened to me. I keep them close to my heart. I gave what I felt would help others. There are some things that are better left unsaid. . . ."
Wallace's courage and tenacity in the hospital as she endured excruciatingly painful scrubbings in a whirlpool are yet another story to ponder. She has been named as the national spokesperson for burn survivors and speaks in burn units, trauma wards and hospital emergency rooms.
"I tell them, please, don't look at the long run. Just take right now, this minute. Then we'll deal with the next minute. I would tell myself, `I can make this another minute, I can do another minute.' From her first week in the hospital, Wallace listened to Mormon Tabernacle Choir tapes with the volume cranked up all the way while she underwent the treatments in the whirlpool. She learned there is no effective painkiller for burns. She counted holes in the ceiling tile and counted backwards from 1,000.
Another theme in "The Burning Within" is the courage it took to face up to an understandable terror of flame. In her book, Wallace tells of not being able to have a fire in the fireplace or to be able to light a candle. "I was unable to even turn on the stove," she said. But one day, four months after the accident, Wallace had a chance to respond to the "burning within" - a message like the spiritual warning she says she ignored before taking the plane ride to Fillmore.
In the early morning hours as the Wallaces were in their Bakersfield, Calif., home preparing for a trip to the burn unit, Terry told ReNelle a neighbor's home was on fire. "Call 911!" she screamed at him and she rushed out the door to warn the family. This time, when the still, small voice had prompted her, "They're asleep! Get over there!" she obeyed.
Running in bare feet, Wallace fell, and when she looked up at the flames, she suddenly saw herself back on the mountain, her husband still trapped in the burning plane. While she was paralyzed in her fiery flashback, the voice came more urgently, "This is now! They're asleep, you've got to help them."
Despite having split open the skin grafts on her hands when she fell, Wallace pounded on the front door and rang the bell. But she heard no sound from the inside. The garage door was opening and closing, malfunctioning from the heat. She ducked inside and the door closed behind her, locking her in the smoke-filled garage. She banged on the hood of one of the cars until she heard a scream from the house. But whoever was inside didn't realize Wallace was trapped in the garage.
No matter, having overcome her fears this far, Wallace somehow kicked open the garage door. Rushing to the front door, she helped the mother get her two daughters out of the burning house. As the grateful woman thanked Wallace for saving their lives, she was stunned to hear Wallace thank her. ReNelle Wallace walked through the fire on the mountain and she was able to walk into a house fire in Bakersfield. Her fear was gone.
A story about Wallace rescuing the young family was picked up by the Associated Press and CNN. She was named California Woman of the Year and received the Nathan Hale Award, given every five years by the National Kiwanis Club and was named one of Newsweek's 100 people of the year. She received a letter from President Reagan and a fund was started for medical bills when word got out that the Wallaces had huge medical bills and no insurance.
Last week while on a Salt Lake radio program, Wallace was told she is beautiful. "I can see in the mirror," she said without a trace of bitterness. But Wallace positively radiates beauty and graciousness.
"The most important thing is coming to the realization that we are divinely created. That makes everything else insignificant," she said. "We're supposed to be approachable, to love unconditionally. We're supposed to love, support and sustain. Many things are out of our control, it's how we deal with them. The first place I went after leaving the hospital was to Crossroads Mall and I was laughed at. I had to decide right there if this would sink me or if I could rise above it."
Wallace expresses gratitude for the spiritual guidance she receives. "When I was in New York I stepped off the curb and saw a taxi coming but thought I could beat it. I felt a hit in the chest and I fell back against my companion while the cab passed within inches of my toes. I said, `Someone or something pushed me back so hard it's still hurting my chest!'
"We're so oblivious to all that happens in our lives. We just think it's another coincidence. We should just be at peace. Don't be in such a hurry in your life. We all get so unfocused in life that we don't stop to listen."