Imagine sitting down as a family to a Thanksgiving turkey feast with all the trimmings only - only to have dad or mom suddenly have to leave for an emergency call that may risk your loved one's life. put their life at risk.and end up with their own life at risk.
Or think of a first Christmas for a newly- married couple where as one sits alone at home and the other roams the streets looking for suspicious activity.Perhaps not an ideal situation, but it comes with the territory when you're a police officer and officer - someone that society counts on everyday to protect and keep the peace.Not exactly an ideal life, right? But society counts on thousands of police officers everyday to keep the peace.
And how do the families of these officers deal with late nights, weekends alone and few holidays off? One At least one family takes it all in stride.
Nearly three decades ago, Capt. Dean Carr joined the Salt Lake County Sheriff's Office. And years later, his three sons have followed in his footsteps and joined the force.
"We never really encouraged it," said wife Anne Carr. "They just all decided to do it. Our youngest one wanted to be a police officer from when he was little. . . . All the boys used to dress like their dad with a gun and badge."
Anne Carr's 34-year marriage hasn't always made her want a policeman for a husband. Over 34 years of marriage, Anne Carr hasn't always enjoyed the life of a policeman's wife. Having him gone most nights and many weekends made marriage and raising three kids difficult at times, she said. For a year, Dean Carr had a shift from 5 p.m. to 3 a.m. with no weekends off.
"He accepted the shift without askingme," she said. "I was a little bit upset. Shift work is hard on a family. I did 60 to 65 percent of things by myself. . . . But I don't remember the kids ever saying, `Why isn't Dad here?' "
Peace Officer Standards and Training (police academy) offers a small orientation to spouses of graduating officers to familiarize them with the good and the bad of living with an officer, said Rich Wilder, training supervisor.
"Cops do silly things at home like practicing a quick draw in front of the television or standing in front of the mirror in uniform," Wilder said. "Spouses must be aware that officers need the opportunity to debrief or talk after something big has happened - they just need to talk while someone listens without being judg-men-tal."
It is also easy for an officer to become cynical and tend to think of the whole world as criminals, he said. The orientation encourages spouses to make sure their husbands have friends outside of law enforcement.
When Dean Carr decided to become an officer more than 25 years ago, officers didn't have the intensive three-month training they have today. Most spouses learned on their own the ups and downs of peace officer life, Anne Carr said. She had to develop an independent attitude to cope with times alone at night and on holidays. Growing up in a military family made it easier as her father was rarely at home, she said.
"I had some concerns at first because a lot of people said, `Aren't you uptight all the time?' " she said. "But living here isn't bad. I think maybe if I were to live in New York I'd be a little more apprehensive."
Still, she recalls nights when her husband was four or more hours late and other times when they planned to do something, and he got called out on an emergency. "I was upset quite a few times, and I shed a few tears quite a few times," she said.
According to the Salt Lake County Sheriff's Office, patrol deputies usually work 40 hours a week with up to 10 hours overtime. Detectives can put in a 40-hour week and have as much as 30 or 40 hours overtime.
Despite the drawbacks, Anne Carr still considers police work a worthwhile occupation and is proud that her three sons are following in their father's footsteps.
Dean Carr currently works as captain of the Juvenile Division and spends most of his time in an office. But even in this position, he is always looking for suspicious activity on or off duty, she said.
"He still pulls speeding cars over, and I do worry," she said. "He's not wearing a (bulletproof) vest, he's older and not out on the street on a regular basis."
The wives of Dean and Anne's three sons also have concerns about their husbands' occupation. Her daughter-in-law Ann Carr didn't know what she was getting into when she married Jeff Carr, a lieutenant for the Salt Lake County Sheriff's Office, 11 years ago. Growing up, she had little association with police officers.
"I was going into it blindly," she said. "I was really apprehensive at first. I only knew what other people told me - that it was going to be horrible."
The beginning of their marriage was stressful, but she eventually got used to life as a cop's wife. "But there is always that concern, it never goes away or changes."
The security of having three other wives in the family who are in the same situation has helped Ann Carr during difficult times.
"Police have a camaraderie and we have extended that into our family," she said. "If I feel insecure, I can call my mother-in-law and she understands what I'm going through. She understands how we all feel when we're suddenly left alone on a weekend or holiday."
Even though the pay is low and work can be dangerous, Ann Carr has always thought being an officer is the right career for her husband.
"I'd like to make more money, but money has never been a compensation for the job," she said. "I'd rather have him make less money and love his job."
Vickey Carr's husband, Darren Carr, a detective for Salt Lake County Sheriff's Office, was attending the police academy when they married 71/2 years ago. Although she never planned to marry a cop, she is proud of him and says having an officer around can be both a positive and a negative experience.
Sometimes it's a nuisance when neighbors call late at night, she said. Although her husband has helped several people in their vicinity, it is sometimes hard when he has to leave for every problem in the neighborhood, Vickey said.
"He's always aware and watching out for what's going on - he's caught several people while off duty," she said. "But sometimes it's a real pain in the neck. One lady calls a lot for little petty things, and it makes things difficult."
Family members have access to police scanners and can listen to every call an officer makes. But Vickey recommends not listening because it always sounds worse on the radio, she said.
"By the time he tells me things, he downplays it enough that I don't feel so bad," she said, adding that it's sometimes better not to know all that an officer goes through in one day.
Troy Carr, a deputy sheriff for Salt Lake County, and Alexis Carr have the youngest marriage and have come the closest to a life-threatening situation.
Only six months after their first son was born, a bullet passed just 7 inches from Troy's head, leaving gunpowder and fragments in his eyes.
His mother recalled the family's reaction to the news.
"It's the most frightening thing I can remember," she said. "I got very upset and thought he was probably dead."
But she said the family pulled together, supported each other and took it "all in stride."