"A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty," reflects an anonymous person. And here are some tips for fathers on how to become "truly rich."
- Nurture your children. "A good father is a little bit of a mother," observes Lee Salk. Yet, the nurturing role is a tough one for men to deal with: Men tend to be inward and not show emotions, and their challenge is to become vulnerable and open up to their children, even telling them where they've blown it and asking for forgiveness.And every little bit of nurturance counts: "My father was not particularly generous when it came to showing praise or affect," says one man, "but sometimes when I was a little boy, he would let me slide in right next to him on the couch as he read the evening paper. Two things I remember with perfect clarity . . . the smell of his work shirt and the sense of absolute security. It is without question my most precious childhood memory."
- Realize your own value as a father. In a cartoon, a man says to his jogging mate: "It's hard for me to tell if my father's having been in the delivery room when I was born is a real factor in my overall sense of well-being."
Alluding to the importance of a father, Jean Paul Richter reflects: "What a father says to his children is not heard by the world; but it will be heard by posterity." And adds George Herbert, "One father is more than a hundred school-mas-ters."
Isaac Asimov speaks of the power of fatherly advice and modeling: "My father once looked through one of my information-crammed books and asked, `How did you learn all this, Isaac?' `From you, Pappa.' `From me? I don't know any of this.' `You didn't have to, Pappa. You valued learning and you taught me to value it. All the rest came without trouble.' "
- Spend quality time with your children. "Perhaps host and guest is really the happiest relation for father and son," reflects one woman.
Attesting to the value children place on spending time with their fathers is the story of a father who decided to go fishing at 5 a.m. the next morning. His 9-year-old son, who asked to go along, seemed discouraged when he found out what time his father was leaving. However, the next morning, as the father was going out the door with his fishing gear, he noticed that the line of his reel was caught on something. Following the line through the kitchen and down the hall to his son's bedroom, he found the end of the line tied to his son's toe. You guessed it! The father took his son fishing.
- Make children a priority. "My father," says one 9-year-old, "never has time to play on the workends."
Actions of William Faulkner provide a poignant example of putting children first. This famous author was invited by students to speak in a university setting and, after two hours, the student in charge noticed Faulkner glancing repeatedly at his watch. Seeing his uneasiness, he made his way to Faulkner's side, offering to excuse Faulkner if he needed to leave.
"Well," Faulkner replied, "it's just that I promised my daughter Jill that I'd help her shell corn for the chickens and I don't want to disappoint her."
And, in another instance, Sen. Strom Thurmond explained to his colleagues why he had missed his part on a program at a congressional breakfast meeting. His children had rescued a baby bird that had fallen from a tree and, in spite of their efforts to bring it to health, the bird had died. As head of the family, Thurmond was chosen to lead the backyard interment service.
- Be your own child's hero. Says a former football star: "Many dads today have allowed someone else to become their son's heroes. But the proudest thing I could hear my kids say is, `My dad is my hero.' " And says this star, it doesn't matter whether you are a single parent or whether you no longer live with your child. You can still be that hero.
A father's day composition written by an 8-year-old alludes to his awesome respect for his father, even though the ending of his composition throws a curve: Says this young boy of his father: "He can climb the highest mountain or swim the biggest ocean. He can fly the fastest plane and fight the strongest tiger. My father can do anything. But most of the time, he just throws out the garbage."
- Tell your own father you love him. A cartoon, "Baby Blues," illustrates the difficulty some men have in saying "I love you," to their own fathers. In the first frame, the father, Darryl is on the phone and says to his own father, "Dad? It's me, Darryl. No, everything's fine. I just called to say I love you." Then Darryl's wife gives him a big kiss and says, "That was really beautiful, sweetheart." But then she suggests to Darryl, who has in his hand a toy telephone, "Now try it on our phone," to which Darryl responds, "Give me a break. It's taken me 34 years to get this far!"
If it's difficult to say "I love you," letter-writing is one way of expressing deep feelings. "It doesn't matter if you're 8 years old or 60. If you're lucky enough to have a father, sit down and write your dad a letter," urges Dear Abby. "Tell him how much he has meant to you over the years. Don't be shy about telling him how much you love him, and why. It doesn't have to be a literary masterpiece - just a few sentences will do.
"If you are in a sentimental mood, go ahead and express the thoughts you may have found difficult to verbalize. And when you sign the letter, be sure to add the date." Don't be surprised, she adds, if you later find your letter tucked away for safekeeping with your father's most important papers.