Unless your power has been out for the past two months, you've been assailed by the biggest ad campaign in burger history, touting the virtues of McDonald's new Arch Deluxe. The airwaves have been full of coy commercials. Magazines and newspapers are packed with pictures of petulant-looking children saying things like, "Lettuce? I'd rather clean my room!" You even see ads underfoot, because someone has spray-painted Arch Deluxe stencils on the asphalt downtown. Their message is simple: It's the adult burger that grown-ups love and kids hate.
I couldn't help but wonder if there was any truth to this advertising, and if the campaign was paying off. According to the Wall Street Journal, all the hype hasn't been worth McDonald's record-breaking investment. Reception to the new burger has been cool at best, and it's predicted it will soon go the way of the McDLT. Remember that?In the meantime, Salt Lakers are sampling. So many Arch Deluxes have been sold, in fact, that most franchises ran out of the Arch Deluxe Monopoly piece boxes several days before the Monopoly game itself ended. Is this because Utahns really like these burgers or because they reason that the million-dollar winning Boardwalk game piece will probably be adhered to an Arch Deluxe container rather than a mere fry box or drink cup?
I decided to find out just how accurate McDonald's ads are, and also to take the plunge and try the burger myself. One hot summer day, I invited 15 children and five adults of various ages to the Gallivan Center to sample the Arch Deluxe. Their opinions, as well as my own, came as quite a surprise.
The sandwich is reported to contain "iceberg lettuce, slivered onions, fresh tomato, American cheese, a quarter-pound of beef, chef's sauce, ketchup and a bakery-style bun." McDonald's would even include bacon, the more sophisticated, rounded Canadian-style, if we were up for it.
That all sounded fine, except for the American cheese. If they wanted to create a burger for adults, why did they use that lowest of all cheese forms, that which we whined about finding in our sandwiches once our palates reached the maturity of the second grade?
Cheap cheese aside, I decided to go about my review objectively. I was amused when I opened the carton and discovered that the "bakery-style bun" looked anatomically correct. I took a large bite, dripping ketchup, hamburger grease and the "chef's sauce" all over the table, observing that the only noticeable difference between the chef's sauce and mayonnaise was a heavy dose of pepper.
That, plus fresh lettuce and tomato and the absence of pickle, were the only things that really distinguished the Arch Deluxe from any other McDonald's burger. It still contained the same fried burger meat, in my opinion resembling cardboard. After a few more bites, the cholesterol and sodium caught up with me and I quickly deemed it "NWTC," or Not Worth the Calories.
What absolutely stunned me, however, was the fact that the kids did not agree with me. In fact, I would go so far to say that they loved it. "I'd rather have this than turkey on Thanksgiving!" one boy told me. "It's the best burger I ever ate," a little girl enthused.
Of the 15 tasters, there were only two who didn't particularly care for the Deluxe. So much for the theory that kids hate it. Those under 4, however, did claim they would prefer a Happy Meal. But toddlers would rhapsodize over fried cockroaches if they came with a really cool toy.
The adults, the ones who are supposed to love the Arch Deluxe, gave it a considerably cooler response. "I haven't had a McDonald's burger in about 15 years, and after tasting that, it'll probably be another 15 years before I have another one," one man told me.
While some of the adults enjoyed the taste and the gooey texture, most acknowledged the impracticality of eating a week's worth of calories, sodium and fat grams in one sitting. "It's tasty, but I'd just feel too guilty eating it," most concurred.
So there you have it. Local test results show that the advertising campaign got it all wrong. Kids old enough not to be swayed by a free toy but too young to exercise any buying power love the Arch Deluxe. Health-conscious adults are reluctant to touch it. No wonder McDonald's isn't getting nearly enough return on its advertising dollar. Maybe next time they'll be savvy enough to first taste test their product in Salt Lake City.
Rating: * *
McDonald's Arch Deluxe, served nightly and daily at your friendly neighborhood McDonald's, at least until they decide that it's not successful enough to continue serving. $2.29, or $2.69 with bacon.