ONE OF MY FAVORITE moments in the latest Dennis Rodman flap - and I admit there were many - was when a professional leech and busybody named Jesse Jackson attempted to rescue Rodman, explaining, "It's one thing to punish a man. It's another to take away his dignity."
This, I'm sure, was a major concern for a guy (or whatever he is) who wears wedding dresses, feather boas, lingerie and green hair. Let's face it, some guys just can't wear stuff like that and get away with it. Ted Kennedy, for instance. Jerry Sloan. It's certainly not every man who can maintain his dignity while making like Corporal Klinger, bucking for a Section Eight.Anyway, credit Rodman for one thing: He gave Jackson something to do for a couple of days, such as get a job. I would never stoop so low as to call Jackson a "race-hustling poverty pimp," but Oklahoma Sen. J.C. Watts did.
Jackson, who was between Super Bowl appearances (one of his main jobs), urged the NBA to cut Rodman some slack because he had apologized and been punished enough.
Like it matters.
Rodman, who returned to the NBA Tuesday night following an 11-game suspension, did apologize for kicking cameraman Eugene Amos in the Whatzit. Rodman wanted to send a card to Amos, but couldn't find one to fit the occasion. Hallmark went right to work on it.
Sorry for kicking a man while he was down.
I can think of one million reasons why I'm $orry.
Congratulations, you're a soprano!
I was looking for some coin, when I kicked you in the groin.
Sorry I'm such a boor, I won't kick you no more.
I like to kick some butts, didn't know I'd get your . . . .
Rodman (actually the Bulls' PR department) also apologized last year for head-butting a referee (which prompted Chicago defense attorney and novelist Scott Turow to note, "You know the old saying about assault with a deadly weapon? This could be assault with a dead weapon.") Anyone can see he's been a changed man since then.
Surprisingly, several people came to Rodman's defense after the Amos businesss. Rodman's friend (yes, apparently he has one), John Salley, said, "I know he's sorry. He didn't mean to go crazy like he did."
He meant to go crazy in another way, as only he can, but we're afraid to ask for details.
Jerry Krause, the Bulls general manager, called Rodman's penalty "too severe for a player whose conduct this year has been excellent up to this point."
Rodman's conduct HAS been excellent this year. Before kicking Amos, he had collected a meager two-game suspension and 15 technical fouls, which ranks second in the NBA behind Anthony Mason, but only because Rodman has been suspended for 13 of the Bulls' 49 games this season.
Rodman is on pace to match last year's performance, in which he tied Charles Barkley for the league lead, with 29 technicals. But with a mere 173 career technicals, Rodman still has a ways to go to catch Barkley (third on the all-time list, with 300, behind Dick Motta, 395, and Kevin Loughery, 381). But there is this consolation: He also has been suspended eight times (three times in the past 11 months), which is probably a career record.
At first I wondered why Jackson chose to sympathize with Rodman, who is black and rich, instead of Amos, who is black and not rich. Then I remembered. It's so obvious, I should have thought of it sooner. Jackson named his Rainbow Coalition after Rodman's head. He feels some sort of indebtedness.
Like Jackson, a lot of people don't care what Rodman does. In fact, they support his behavior - to wit: Rodman does advertisements for milk, sunglasses, photography and underwear - specifically, Victoria's Secret (Guys, can we talk? Think about it: Rodman, in a teddy, with Frederique, in the Victoria's Secret catalog, in your mailbox . . . ). Even while serving his suspension, Rodman was signed by Converse to endorse its shoes. Rodman even has his own TV show.
Badness, meanness, and eccentricity have their rewards, and Rodman has always known it. Teammate Scottie Pippen was right on the mark when he said, "I don't expect (Rodman) ever to change because if he did, he wouldn't be the Worm, the personality he has invented for himself."
Rodman, like Madonna, Brian Bosworth, Axel Rose, etc., has invented a personality calculated to win notoriety and, with it, money. He has outsmarted everybody. We - media, fans, sponsors, the NBA - have all been partners in making Rodman what he is today. Whatever that is. So sit back and enjoy the show.
Just don't take away his dignity.
*****
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION
Dennis Rodman's suspensions
November 1992: Missed most of Detroit training camp.
December 1992: Head-butted, elbowed Chicago's Stacey King.
March 1994: Headbutted Utah's John Stockton.
May 1994: Undercut Tom Chambers, kneed John Stockton.
November 1994: Misconduct at an exhibition game.
December 1994: Missed practice.
March 1996: Headbutted a referee. December 1996: Profane tirade against NBA officials.
January 1997: Kicked cameraman.
Source: NBA and Chicago Tribune archives.