C. Robert Maeder believes his daughter would never have been involved in a mass suicide if she had been in her right mind.
Gail Renee Maeder, 28, listed as coming from Utah, was the second youngest of the 39 Heaven's Gate cult members found dead in a Rancho Santa Fe, Calif., mansion this week."I dont' know how she got started in that one," said Maeder during a phone interview with the Deseret News from his Sag Harbor, N.Y., home. "You have to imagine the power that (cult leaders) have to get inside that many heads and get them to commit suicide."
Gail Maeder was identified as a Utahn because she had a Utah driver's license in her pocket when found. However, her father said he had no idea she had ever been in Utah. His daughter lived at home until about five years ago when she decided to move to California with her boyfriend, Maeder said.
The two started a shop in Ben Lomond, a small town about 10 miles north of Santa Cruz, and lived there until they broke up about three years ago, Maeder said. That's also about the time Gail Maeder stopped communicating with her parents, except for six postcards and a phone call.
The post cards were brief, upbeat notes without a return address. They were mailed from, among other places, Missouri, Texas and Arizona.
Maeder thinks his daughter became involved with the Heaven's Gate cult in June 1994, about the time she mailed a note that in part read, "I feel I've found a way to make a difference in the world, and I am extremely happy and healthy doing so."
Two months later, Maeder received a note on the back of a flier that his daughter had used as a postcard. Although the note was mailed from Eureka, Calif., the flier was an invitation for a cult meeting in Hyannis, Mass.
That was when Maeder realized his daughter had become involved in a cult. The note on the other side of the flier read:
"Mom and Dad, You are probably wondering exactly what I decided to do with my life. Until recently nothing had ever been able to offer me any real motivation. I wanted and needed more. This is why I couldn't play the regular games of this society. I felt like I had outgrown it, and I just didn't really see the point of it.
"I wanted to share this with you although you may not understand. I am hopeful that you will try to see the value I see in my pursuit, and maybe even feel proud. Love, Gail."
"That's not her. That's not her words," Maeder said. She always wrote about daily, simple things in her life, and Maeder is sure "some of these things were composed for her."
"But at least it was something that let us know she was still alive. To see it end the way it did is crazy. That's nothing she did in her right mind. It's a terrible thing," Maeder said.
Maeder remembers his daughter as being environmentally conscious and interested in animals and nature but not in science fiction, UFOs or cults.
Gail Maeder called her parents one last time from Denver in October 1994. They talked about her involvement in the cult, but she did not give them any indication that she was in any trouble, Maeder said.
"We always hoped one day she would wake up and . . . come back," he said.
The last time he saw his daughter was a few months prior to the breakup with her boyfriend. She attended a family wedding and Maeder drove back to California with her.
Her last postcard came from Springfield, Mo., a few months ago. "We were just wondering what had happened to her. Then we heard about that mass suicide in San Diego," Maeder said.
"It's the last thing I would have thought she would get tangled up in," he said.
Maeder said his daughter never mentioned being in Utah. "That was the sad part. You go months and months never hearing from her."
Maeder hopes that sharing his daughter's story will prevent others from falling into the same pitfall. Since he learned of his daughter's involvement in a cult, he joined a cult awareness group.
"I'm going to be even more active now that this has happened. I'm just trying to protect other people's children. I can't save my daughter now, but maybe I can save somebody else's daughter."