With the college football season all but over, the award season is upon us.
No, we're not talking Heisman (duh, Ricky Williams) or coach of the year (Tennessee's Phil Fulmer, who lost Peyton Manning and two other first-rounders to the draft and star RB Jamal Lewis to injury). These are our own special awards for those who made the 1998 season a memorable one.-- "Yeah, I'm as tough as I look" award: To Texas A&M kicker Russell Bynum. The 5-9, 176-pound walk-on is a solid performer, hitting 13 field goals and leading the Aggies in scoring with 68 points. But what really makes Bynum is that barbed-wire tattoo he sports on his arm. That's right, a kicker with a tough tattoo. No word on whether this "West Side Story"-wannabe has a switchblade in his shoe.
-- "Quiet, I'm trying to coach" award: To the Temple and Syracuse fans for all but ignoring the teams' Nov. 21 matchup in Veterans Stadium in Philadelphia. The "crowd" was kindly listed at 12,483 in the cavernous facility (capacity 66,592). But the actual attendance was probably half that. How quiet was it? An Owls defensive back quickly shifted his position when his assistant coach screamed to him from the press box.
-- "Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and you cry alone" award: To Southern Cal coach Paul Hackett. Seems the head Trojan was upset at UCLA QB Cade McNown taking off on a 30-yard bootleg late in SC's 34-17 loss to the Bruins Nov. 21. He wouldn't even shake UCLA coach Bob Toledo's hand afterward snorting, "I hope (McNown) did that on his own." We thought Paranoid Paul might have learned from his recent failures at Pittsburgh and with the Kansas City Chiefs. As if UCLA were trying to run up the score throwing all of six passes in the second half.
-- "Thomas Dewey collapse" award: In honor of the 1948 Republican presidential challenger who blew a huge lead and lost to Harry Truman. Virginia Tech snares this year's honor. Not only did the Hokies blow a 17-0 lead to lowly Temple in a stunning 28-24 loss Oct. 17, but they followed that up by squandering a 21-6 halftime lead at Syracuse four weeks later, losing any shot at the Big East title when Donovan McNabb threw a TD pass on the game's final play for a 28-26 Orangemen victory. But the "Chokies" saved their best for last Saturday against arch-rival Virginia, turning a 29-7 lead with 10 minutes to go into a 36-32 loss. And for this, coach Frank Beamer gets the Clemson job?
-- "Not-so-amazing Kreskin" award: To ESPN analyst Kirk Herbstreit, whose prognostication skills failed to equal his mediocre passing numbers as an Ohio State QB. Some of clairvoyant Kirk's best picks: Miami over Syracuse (actual score, Orangemen 66, Hurricanes 13), Florida over Tennessee (Vols 20, Gators 17), Nebraska over Kansas State (Wildcats 40, Cornhuskers 30), and a special score when he predicted Ohio State to dump Michigan State, 41-10 (Spartans 28, Buckeyes 24). Watch out come bowl season.
-- "Bobby Boucher Waterboy makes good" award: To Washington junior flanker Dane Looker. Two years ago, the 6-1, 190-pound junior was playing basketball at NAIA Western Washington University. Only at the urging of his friend, Huskies QB Brock Huard, did Looker transfer to Washington and walk on. All Looker did this season was lead the Huskies with 64 catches (the second-best total in UW history) and 5 TDs. No word yet on whether Adam Sandler will play the title role in the movie.
-- "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid 'Who is this guy?"' award: To New Mexico State running back Denvis Manns. By quietly gaining 1,469 yards this season, this powerful 5-9, 200-pound senior did something not even Ricky Williams could. Manns gained over 1,000 yards in each of his four seasons with the Aggies, a feat only equaled by Pittsburgh's Tony Dorsett and North Carolina's Amos Lawrence.
-- "Timing is everything" award: To Rose Bowl-bound Wisconsin. Let's get this straight, the Badgers play a pitiful non-conference schedule, get hammered at Michigan, don't play Ohio State but wind up in Pasadena anyway because the Buckeyes went in 1996 and the Badgers last went in 1993? This team getting the Roses shows everything that is wrong with the antiquated Big Ten.
-- "Don't waste your money on preseason magazines" award: To Arizona State and LSU, both solid preseason top 10 picks who each finished with losing records. The Sun Devils went 5-6 and yielded 212 points in the losses while the Tigers staggered to a 4-7 finish in which they lost seven of their last eight. Look for Sun Devils coach Bruce Snyder and the Tigers Gerry DiNardo on the early-season hot seat next year.
WEEKLY REASON TO HATE NOTRE DAME: So those Rose Bowl hopes for the Fighting Irish sank into the muck in a dreary 10-0 loss at Southern Cal. That happens when you can't complete a pass until late in the third quarter. Yet in defeat, ND found a strange dignity it did not have in all those lucky wins. If the Irish were that dependent on QB Jarius Jackson, he either must be the next Joe Montana (not likely) or maybe the team showed a whole lot of heart and guts to finish 9-2 and make the Gator Bowl. Don't get us wrong, just because ND shows a little pluck one year hardly excuses that hideous 1998 offseason, or all the sanctimonious nonsense of their fans or the benefits of their own TV network or those awful addidas commercials, etc., etc. But even a critic concedes that if all teams played as hard as the 1998 Irish did, then college football would be even greater.
CONFERENCE OF THE DAMNED: A lonely holiday season again for our lost souls, who finished a combined 25-60 marking the sixth straight season the not-so-wild bunch has gone bowl-less.