First off, let us describe the trauma we went through to write this article. We literally had to chase off half of the Deseret News' male staff to be able to review Hooters. We were asked if we needed a chaperone, then told we needed a chaperone by the fellas in our very own department. We were then asked to be tactful and to camouflage our language, and to just talk about the food instead of the, um, how should we put it? Atmosphere?
Let us pose a question: How does one speak tactfully about a restaurant whose motto is, "Delightfully tacky, yet unrefined?"We're going to get the feminist question out of the way. So men like to look at young women in really short orange Daisy Dukes. The fact that institutions such as this exist stinks, but the fact of the matter is, sexual exploitation is not going to go away any time soon. Hooters does a booming business, and nobody forced the Hooter girls to be Hooter girls. In fact, they seem to enjoy the attention, and the really big tips.
According to Phil, the somewhat sketchy and slightly rude manager, "Not just any girl can be a Hooters girl. They put on that uniform, and they become a star." OK. Yeah. Whatever, Phil.
L: Yup, they're definitely special. Apparently, most of them are Leos and love to perform.
J: I'm a Leo.
L: Hmmm. They also take really good care of their bodies.
J: I take care of my body. I could work there.
L: As Phil said, "These are really healthy girls. They go tanning every day." Four syllables, Phil: Mel-a-no-ma.
J: I don't tan. I'm white. Ah, my dreams of being a star, dashed . . .
L: It's going to be just fine. You'll pull through this. You have a good job with a good newspaper.
J: OK, I'm not going to cry. But one last thing: did I mention that the first question we were asked upon entering was, "Are you two here to drop off applications?"
We hope you've sensed the sarcasm in the previous little tete-a-tete.
Now, on to our tactful review of the food at Hooters. The food falls, how should we say it?
L: A little flat.
J: Unlike the waitresses.
Actually, it's just your basic American cuisine: burgers, fries and American-brewed beers. It's one of the few place we've found where two guys can sit down together in an intimate setting without the entire restaurant clientele making assumptions about them. In fact, this is a real man's restaurant; that is, if you consider high school boys in Midvale to be men.
Hooters does claim to be a family place, and had apparently sold quite a few Father's Day gift certificates last weekend.
J: Let me tell you what I am not ever (never ever) going to give my father as a gift: a certificate to go and see a bunch of girls my age wear-ing workout gear and leaning over the tables so they "get the order correct." I know he'd like it, but he's not gonna get it.
Actually, there really is nothing wrong with the food, and even though we didn't see families there doesn't mean they don't come. We did see a few tables of women dining out, and several couples were also present.
Girls, if your guys wanna take you there, you'll probably enjoy it. Give it a try. It's a long way from downtown Salt Lake to go for a burger, but whatever floats your boat.
Have we given a bad impression of the service? We honestly thought that the waitresses were really sweet girls, who worked really, really hard. The place is quite tidy and has the feel of a sparkling, shiny new truckstop.
If you've never been to Hooters in your entire life, we'd recommend going . . . simply to say you've been.