HALF PAST DEAD —* — Steven Seagal, Ja Rule, Morris Chestnut, Nia Peeples, Tony Plana, Bruce Weitz, Claudia Christian, Linda Thorson, Kurupt; rated PG-13 (violence, profanity, vulgarity, racial epithets, brief gore, brief drugs).
"Half Past Dead" so shamelessly rips off so many other, better movies that it's unclear whether you should condemn it or simply applaud it for its audacity.
After all, few movies would try to emulate scenes from such awful cinematic fare as "The Fast and the Furious" — right down to that film's groan-inducing one-liners — and think it was cool.
Unfortunately for "Half Past Dead," it also features nonsensical and laughable plotting, wooden performances, ineptly directed action sequences and some of the worst dialogue in recent memory (where is cable TV's "Mystery Science Theater 3000" when we really need it?)
And then there's that inane title, which presumably refers to Sascha Petrosevitch (Steven Seagal), a professional car thief who is shot by FBI agents during a raid, and who nearly dies before being revived.
Having survived that experience, Sascha is sent to New Alcatraz, a state-of-the-art, maximum-security facility built on the site of the old prison, as is his partner in crime, Nick Frazier (rapper Ja Rule).
As it turns out, the two will need even more friends and allies when New Alcatraz is invaded from the outside by cloak-wearing commandos (including Morris Chestnut and Nia Peeples) who are intent on taking over the prison — and taking no prisoners.
Admittedly, it's sort of fun to play "Spot the Ripped-Off Scenes," as the film includes many obvious nods to "The Matrix," "Escape from Alcatraz," John Woo's action films and pay-cable's "Oz" series, among others.
But the film won't let you laugh at them for long. In addition to the awful script (contributed by director Don Michael Paul), there's a character "twist" that's supposed to be a surprise . . . but isn't.
As for the performances, the best that can be said is, at least Paul doesn't allow the increasingly portly Seagal to do most of his own stunt work. (Instead, he uses obvious stunt doubles who don't even have the same build).
"Half Past Dead" is rated PG-13 for scenes of action violence (gunplay, hand-to-hand and martial-arts combat, as well as explosive mayhem), occasional use of strong profanity (including one usage of the so-called "R-rated" curse word), crude sex talk and use of racial epithets, brief gore and brief drug content (hypodermic use). Running time: 99 minutes.
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