Dear Harlan: My mom shared one of your letters with me. It was the "Stop hiding behind the loser label" letter about a 24-year-old woman who seems to be having the same luck as I am.
You were right. She's a lot of guys' dream. I'm one of them. Like her, I don't smoke or do drugs. I only drink occasionally, and even then very little. I can't say I don't swear. Believe me, I try not to. Anyway, I would very much like to meet this woman. I've been looking for someone like her for a very long time. I think I could help her, too. Can you help me to get in touch with her? If not, can you point me to the right direction? —Looking for Her
Dear Looking: Your mom missed reading you the part about my not being able to hook up readers. But don't worry, there are millions of women like that one.
I've been flooded with mail from them. The problem is that we live in a world with such a narrow definition of what's deemed attractive. It's so narrow that millions of people are left feeling not good enough or not confident enough to make that first move.
You don't need me. You just need to talk to the women around you. Look to your left, to your right, up, down, north, south, east and west. Your beautiful secret of a woman is much closer than you think.
Dear Harlan: I had everything in common with your writer named "Loser" until I met a girl online. Everything seemed to be going well between us until she suddenly stopped contacting me. It hurt a lot. Fortunately, the experience made me realize the things I needed to change — mainly my attitude.
Before meeting her, I also had the "Loser" title. I was in search of someone to make me happy and confident. But people don't want to be around losers. If you think you are one, it will show in everything you do and say. Drop the title and become the person you would be happy being without giving up your values. Get out and get involved in life. Your newfound confidence and self-happiness will attract you to others and others to you. —Not a Loser
Dear Not a Loser: You're lucky she was confident enough to dump you. The problem with losers dating losers is that one day, one of the losers usually stops feeling like a loser, and then that partner tends to move on, leaving the other loser behind. Better to turn the corner now than to get left behind later or be the one to leave someone else behind. Great letter.
Dear Harlan: This is for "Loser." I am a 30-year-old female who spent my entire 20s going through the same thing. I've always had a hard time making friends, and I sat home alone every night, watching everyone I know going out on dates while I felt sorry for myself.
Tell this woman that things will get better. I finally went to therapy to deal with my self-confidence issues. Once I made a conscious decision to make things better, things got better. If you really want things to improve, you have to take a step in the right direction. —Former Loser
Dear Former Loser: Letters like yours keep pouring in. It's raining former-loser letters. Clearly, life can change for the better. I hope other "losers" are listening.
Write Harlan at harlan@helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan! 2506 N. Clark St., Ste. 223, Chicago, IL 60614. © Harlan Cohen 2004 Dist. by King Features Syndicate Inc.